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Alicia Vikander Will Be Your New Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

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Following Michael Fassbender's path as suddenly it-actor going from convincingly-human robot to a needless video game adaptation, Ex Machina's Alicia Vikander will be our next Lara Croft. According to The Hollywood Reporter, she's signed on to star in Tomb Raider, the film reboot that will abandon the crudely busty polygons of Angelina Jolie in favor of a more modern take in line with the updated video games. Or so we'll assume, at least. Norwegian The Wave director Roar Uthaug will reportedly make this "story of a young and untested Croft fighting to survive her first adventure." It's not yet announced who will motion-capture and voice the bear she shoots.

It's Liam Hemsworth: Texas Ranger in 'The Duel' Trailer

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Liam Hemsworth is a Texas Ranger. Woody Harrelson is the town-controlling preacher who killed his father. Such is the setup for The Duel, With You Were Here director Kieran Darcy-Smith's film that will at some point ostensibly feature a duel between those guys. Yeah, if we're doing a Western with some Hunger Games side characters, a face-off between Natalie Dormer and Lenny Kravitz would indeed be way cooler, but that's not what we got. We got this:

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'Watership Down' Remake To Traumatize New Generation of Kids

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Watership Down will once again traumatize some kids thinking they're just watching some cartoon about rabbits. According to Deadline, Netflix and the BBC are teaming for a remake of the classic novel-turned-animated-film that will take the shape of a four-part, hugely upsetting miniseries. The Force Awakens star John Boyega, X-Men's James McAvoy and Nicholas Hoult, and unfortunate Prince of Persia stars Ben Kingsley and Gemma Arterton are already signed on to provide voices to the new production. My Mad Fat Diary's Tom Bidwell is writing for 300: Rise Of The Empire's Noam Murro to direct. Pet bunnies are to be purchased and quickly realized as terrible pets.

Viggo Mortensen Somehow Not Elton John in 'Captain Fantastic' Trailer

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Lord of the Rings star Viggo Mortensen's latest mismatched fellowship? His naïve, hippy, homeschooled children mourning their mother's death! That's the focus of Captain Fantastic, a dramedy from writer-director Matt Ross, best known now as Silicon Valley's extremely hate-able Gavin Belson. Mortensen stars as a husband and father who has been living isolated with his family in the woods of the Pacific Northwest, raising his kids with values that make nearby Portland look like a conservative dystopia. When his wife dies, he's forced out of his self-made paradise and into the real world, where he and his children must learn to adapt and deal with a disapproving grandpa (Frank Langella). Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy, Elton John's ninth studio album, a concept piece that tells the semi-autobiographical story of John and lyrics writer Bernie Taupin's early collaborative career, seems to in no way be involved. Prepare for some angry walk-outs.

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Rise of the Corporate Media Guardians: NBCUniversal To Acquire DreamWorks Animation

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At last opening up the possibility for a Frasier Meets Shrek special, NBCUniversal has reportedly set up a deal to purchase DreamWorks Animation. The Comcast conglomerate is expected to become even more grossly distended by the end of the year, with NBCU giving $3.8 billion in cash to the makers of Kung Fu Panda for the acquisition. The DreamWorks Animation brand and its associated CGI smirks will remain intact, with CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg becoming chairman of DreamWorks Animation New Media. Chris Meledandri, head of Universal's Illumination Entertainment animation, will "oversee operations." Also, now when Comcast customer service leaves you on hold for an hour, you're going to have to listen to Smash Mouth's "I'm a Believer'" cover the whole time.

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'Wolverine 3' Just Got Extremely British, Lanky

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As if Hugh Jackman didn't already look ripped enough compared to everyone else in the Wolverine films, he's now going to be placed alongside the gangling forms of Stephen Merchant and Richard E. Grant. According to Deadline, Hello Ladies' Merchant has just joined the third Wolverine film in an unknown role. THR, meanwhile, reports that Grant, too, has signed on as "a villainous mad-scientist type." Though the movie's plot is not yet known, it's been rumored that it will draw from comics' "Old Man Logan" storyline--which, in this case, will apparently focus on a dystopian future that sees humanity evolved to its most effete.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Sticks It to NSA in 'Snowden' Trailer

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Well, if you've ever wanted to see the legitimately important story of Edward Snowden as a melodramatic Dateline dramatization, here it is with Oliver Stone's Snowden. Joseph Gordon-Levitt star in the title role, alongside Shailene Woodley, Melissa Leo, Zachary Quinto, Tom Wilkinson, Timothy Olyphant, Rhys Ifans, and Nicolas Cage--who knows a thing or two about turning government documents into laughable films. Here's the trailer:

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Netflix To Make It Their Beeswax To Make 'Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later' for 2017

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After Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp proved to be one of the most consistently enjoyable things Netflix has put out, to be honest, the company has decided to further pursue comic actors pretending to be young. They've just announced Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, the film that will fulfill the tease at the end of Wet Hot American Summer with a full eight-episode season of 2001's faux 1981 cast now playing themselves in 1991, but actually 15 years later. It's a lot of math, but trust that they will still be too old. Thought it's said the series will premiere in 2017, it's not yet clear if it will come online at, like, 9 or 9:30.

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