We may never know what would compel someone to put Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on the air, but we do now know what would compel them to finally take it off: a child molester.
TLC has announced that, after four seasons, their hit, hard-to-watch Toddlers & Tiaras spin-off has been canceled following news that awful matriarch "Mama" June is endangering her child with a markedly more terrible decision than usual--dating a man who just got out of jail after being convicted of forcing oral sex on an eight-year-old relative of June's. In getting her show canceled, June Shannon has, if nothing else, come up with the definitive answer to "what's grosser than gross?"
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The Phantom of the Opera may soon haunt broadcast primetime television like the forever in-limbo Sean Hayes. According to Variety, ABC Television has teamed with Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry to develop Phantom of the Opera as what's being called "a drama with musical elements." Rather than being an all-out musical in the vein of Andrew Lloyd Webber's famous adaptation, this is being compared to Nashville, organically incorporating songs (and a phantom, of course) into a serial "revolving around the cutthroat world of the music biz." The inspiration is said to come from Gaston Leroux's original 1909 novel, though the setting will be brought to the modern-day music world. Maybe this could be about the guy who co-hosted the first season of American Idol still lurking around to spook Ryan Seacrest.
Following in his insistence that we've got to listen to the Rolling Stones, should give George Harrison's solo work a shot, and should maybe even try some Garth Brooks--even if we aren't that into country--Martin Scorsese is now going to try to get us into the Grateful Dead. Deadline reports that Scorsese is executive producing a documentary on Jerry Garcia-fronted band, and its release will coincide with what would be the group's 50th anniversary next year. The Tillman Story's Amir Bar-Lev is attached to direct, and the surviving Dead have authorized the production with their participation.
Explaining how they're totally not just for stoners, Scorsese commented, "The Grateful Dead were more than just a band. They were their own planet, populated by millions of devoted fans. I'm very happy that this picture is being made and proud to be involved." Now, for the sake of showcasing the band's history, let's just hope that someone, somewhere, has collected and saved some old recordings of the Grateful Dead.
The Big Bang Theory's Jim Parsons is gearing up to play a different socially-repellant, emotionally-stunted outcast than usual. NBC is reportedly prepping an Elf animated Christmas event for the holidays, and Parsons has adopted the lead role of Buddy from Will Ferrell. Mark Hamill, Ed Asner, Fred Armisen, Jay Leno, Matt Lauer, Gilbert Gottfried, Kate Micucci, Rachael MacFarlane, Max Charles, and Steve Higgins will also provide voices in the special, titled Elf: Buddy's Musical Christmas. Like Broadway's Elf: The Musical, the hour-long show is said to basically be a remake of the movie, but now with songs interspersed among the fish-out-of-water gags. It airs December 16, less than two weeks after the network's similarly musical Peter Pan lowers our standards for singing, green-clad eternal "boys" considerably.
As must be done with anything over five years old, Hitch is being turned into a TV series. Fox has reportedly put into development a half-hour sitcom take on the 2005 comedy, which originally starred Will Smith as a dating consultant trying to help out with Kevin James's love life while struggling with his own. Weirdly--or maybe not that weirdly, considering what the Bachelor Party series pitch sounds like--the description doesn't much reflect the original plot at all. The new Hitch is vaguely said to be "a workplace comedy that explores dating and sexual politics." And you know you've messed up when even those people who would get excited about your Hitch sitcom can't actually get excited about your Hitch sitcom.
Archie Comics, the series everyone at the malt shop just can't stop talking about, may be headed to television. Fox and Arrow produer Greg Berlanti have put into development Riverdale, a series to be based on Archie's hometown and expansive cast of high schoolers with various hair colors.
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Greta Gerwig will reportedly be Dawn Wiener's highly unlikely post-Welcome to the Dollhouse "after" photo. THR reports that Gerwig is taking the Wiener-Dog role from Heather Matarazzo for a sort-of-sequel Todd Solondz is building off his darkly-comic 1996 Sundance hit. Fellow indie darling Julie Deply is also attached in an unspecified role. Titled Wiener-Dog, the name has a double-meaning in that the film is said to be an ensemble piece with stories linked by a cute little dachshund that "seems to be spreading comfort and joy." So it will be a real shame when, in true Solondz fashion, someone ends up graphically molesting that dog.
Here's the trailer for The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death, or, more evidence of how hard it is to get rid of squatters. Set forty years after the original, the sequel returns to the same setting to find the title character still putzing around this house like she owns the place. She probably gets mail there. There is no way anyone is getting this lady out of there.
Nonetheless, that doesn't stop a young woman from bringing a group of children, displaced from London during World War II, to the home. Of course, it doesn't take long for the group to figure out there's someone creeping around in the ceiling, but by that point, it's too late. Thanks to the first movie, Woman in Black can prove she's been there long enough that adverse possession comes into play, so now it's going to be a huge hassle to evict her. Such is the curse of the Angel of Death and squatter's rights.
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