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Spider-Man Could Have Been Your Friendly Neighborhood EDM-Loving, Snapchatting, Mud-Running Vegan

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These days, Sony has got Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige over there guiding the image of Spider-Man, offering helpful hints like how he should be a witty teenager and not in any more barely passable films. But a couple years ago, before The Amazing Spider-Man 2 set the new standard for barely passable, it turns out Sony was receiving counsel from a vastly different source. Namely, Nick Shore, a former MTV executive who, according to AdAge, "has spent years studying up on youth culture."

Back in 2013, Shore apparently offered Amy Pascal assistance and his "rando thoughts" on making Spider-Man more relevant to Millennials, and thanks to a leaked Sony email seemingly spotted by Twitter's DukeLovesYou, now we too can share in on the "very buzzworthy and cool" Spider-Man that could have been, had anyone bothered to pay attention to this email. This is the pitch for the Spider-Man story that asks, "What if Peter Parker had been bitten by a radioactive spider that you would hate to talk to at a party?"

Here's the transcript:

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Comcast Officially Cancels Their Time-Warner Deal

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In what is presumably the first and only time a Comcast update will not be something infuriating, the cable giant announced this morning that they're officially, finally giving up on their Time-Warner acquisition. First announced over a year ago and meant to create the nation's largest shared enemy since the Nazis, the merger has long been debated by regulators, who questioned if this would be a detriment to consumers, and by consumers, who had absolutely no question of that.

Comcast's decision comes after the FCC on Wednesday reportedly recommended a hearing that would have further prolonged if not completely halted the deal. Nonetheless, while Comcast has opted to pull out here, it's expected they will continue to be far less gracious when it comes to fucking you.

'Furious 8', 'Pacific Rim 2' Set for 2017

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If you like powerful machines and massive bipeds clobbering each other, you're going to want to visit a cinema at least twice in 2017. Legendary Pictures today announced that Pacific Rim 2--previously scheduled for April 2017--has now been bumped to the summer, and will arrive in August 2017.

Meanwhile, over at CinemaCon, Vin Diesel reportedly announced a 2017 release date for the eighth Fast/Furious movie as well. That will come April 14, 2017, and Diesel promises they are "going to make the best movie you've ever seen." Think Citizen Kane, but with a car that launches off a space shuttle.

See How 'Man of Steel' Could Have Looked with Vivid Colors

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As you no doubt noticed when 300 arrived with the palette of a "should I go to the doctor?" stool color chart, director Zack Snyder is rarely one for vivid or lifelike colors. And never did that dingy aesthetic feel more out of place than with Man of Steel, the film that saw the dreariest Superman zipping across a permanently gloomy sky.

But now, someone has finally cleared the clouds away. Though limited by the already-heavy color grading, VideoLab has brought to life a vivid, colorful Superman in a three-minute video that attempts to restore Man of Steel into something a little less miserable looking. It's not perfect, but if you're curious how Clark Kent would have looked with living flesh, it's definitely worth a look.

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M. Night Shyamalan Brings His Scary Grandparents to 'The Visit' Trailer

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M. Night Shymalan's latest big twist ending? That the twilight of our lives may come with degenerative brain diseases that effectively render us dangerous lunatics, unsafe to even be around the ones we love most. Not really as much fun as "Bruce Willis was dead the whole time," but nonetheless, it seems to loosely be the plot of the director's latest, The Visit.

Shot in the found footage style that, like Shyamalan himself, once seemed wildly interesting but is now something to willfully avoid, the film focuses on a brother and sister spending a week at their grandparents' house. Soon after the kids arrive, Grandma and Grandpa start acting strange, and they warn their grandchildren not to leave the bedroom after 9:30--which it turns out is when the elderly couple starts acting violently stranger. The story was previously said to focus on "sundowning," which refers to the phenomenon of increased confusion in dementia patients after sundown. But judging by this trailer--and by Shyamalan's M.O.--don't be too surprised if some supernatural forces are also lurking under Grandma's afghan.

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Cowabunger: Tyler Perry To Play Tyler Perry's Baxter Stockman in 'TMNT 2'

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Though Madea Lives in a Sewer still remains just out of reach, Tyler Perry has arranged for the next most obvious thing with a role in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. Variety reports that Perry has signed on to the sequel as scientist Baxter Stockman, inventor of the franchise's famous "mouser" robots. In many takes on the character, Stockman also ends up turning into a human-fly hybrid, but it's as of yet not clear whether Perry will add "insect-man" to his rotation of disturbing transformations.

Native Americans Walk Off Adam Sandler Film After It Proves Even More Insulting Than Usual

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Adam Sandler's next film may be heading straight to homes on Netflix, but amazingly, the actor has still managed to find a way to get people to walk out on this goddammer.

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Check Out Johnny Depp's Crazy Whitey Bulger in First 'Black Mass' Trailer

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Johnny Depp's latest pale, make-up-slathered and wig-draped performance is, besides all those things, a real departure from what we've seen from the actor in recent years. Black Mass sees Depp take a dramatic turn in the role of famed Boston organized crime boss Whitey Bulger, and as you'll see in the film's first, intense trailer below, the guy is really selling the part. Also, he looks like Robert Duvall as a casual Sith lord.

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