July 29, 2016


Well, everyone, that's it. As somberly noted earlier this week, I Watch Stuff is shutting down. After more than a decade, I am, for now, done watching stuff.

In parting, though, I'd like to sincerely thank everyone again. Thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone for leaving such kind comments when I announced this news. I was, and remain, completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of sentiment. I know that I've been hugely lucky to have had the chance to do this job at all, and to know that it's mattered to others means a lot.

On that note, also thanks to Anticlown Media for giving me this opportunity in the first place, and for giving me such freedom and support in building this dumb thing. It's been fun.

It seems many of you are wondering why I Watch Stuff is shutting down. As you could and did guess, it's largely financial. Being a small, simple, non-very-clickbaity website is becoming increasingly difficult to get by on, and, unfortunately, it just didn't make sense to keep going any longer. And anyway, I had to stop at some point, right?

As for what's next for me, I'm honestly not sure. I haven't had any real time off in years, so currently my only fully thought-out plan is to willfully avoid entertainment news for a couple weeks.

If you'd like to know what I end up doing, or want to contact me for whatever other reason (solicitation, schemes, etc.), I'm @markinternet on Twitter.

Now I'm gonna go throw up.


Matt Damon Fights Ancient Chinese Monsters or Something in 'Great Wall' Trailer

July 28, 2016


After being saved himself in Saving Private Ryan, Interstellar, and The Martian, Matt Damon finally gets to be the savior. The white savior, but still.

In The Great Wall, Damon is joined by Game of Thrones' Pedro Pascal on the title structure, where they team with some actual Chinese people to defend it from invaders. Also, instead of being Mongols, the attackers are weird monsters or something. At last, China's history lines up with the version of it one dreams of after falling asleep watching Hero, The Bourne Supremacy, and Tremors.

The Great Wall is also the priciest Chinese film ever made and directed by Yimou Zhang (House of Flying Daggers), though, so despite everything else, at least it looks better than the ridiculous revisionist histories the U.S. has been making. (I'm looking at you, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.) Check it out:

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Andrew Garfield Melodramatically Recreates Part from 'Forrest Gump' Where He Carries Away Wounded Comrades in 'Hacksaw Ridge' Trailer

July 28, 2016


From Mel Gibson, now simply credited as "the Academy Award-winning director of Braveheart" rather than "racist scream machine fueled by drunken rage," here's the trailer for Hacksaw Ridge.

The film tells the story of Desmond Doss, a Seventh-day Adventist who was drafted into World War II but, per his religion, refused to shoot anyone or even carry a gun at all. And though that left his arms free to dance, dance, dance, his religion discouraged him from doing that as well. It was surely a real bummer.

Nonetheless, Doss went on the front lines of the Okinawa battlefield and ended up saving many of his fellow soldiers, and he consequently became the first conscientious objector to receive the Medal of Honor.

In Hacksaw Ridge, he's played by Andrew Garfield, who stars alongside Teresa Palmer, Sam Worthington, Vince Vaughn, and Hugo Weaving. Take a look:

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Pulitzer Prize Winner Hired To Write Fucking 'Charlie's Angels' Reboot

July 27, 2016


Sony has sorted out at least one of the unseen male voices that will tell Charlie's Angels what to do. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Pulitzer prize-winning Proof playwright and screenwriter David Auburn will pen the new the Charlie's Angels reboot Pitch Perfect 2's Elizabeth Banks is attached to direct. (Notably, Auburn also wrote the bat-shit crazy, bewilderingly high-concept romance The Lake House, if that's any indication of what a Pulitzer's worth.)

Details on the project aren't yet known, but it's said Auburn was brought on "to create rich, fully developed characters and not just pretty faces plugged into action," as the studio wants "a more female-empowerment message [to] be further amplified in the latest outing." About time Charlie's Angels had a strongly feminist message that still doesn't quite extend to not being condescendingly labeled as a man's beautiful property.

Watch the Trailer for 'Ithaca', Meg Ryan's Historical Drama Your Parents Will Tell You How They Saw

July 27, 2016


Here's the trailer for Ithaca, this historical drama that your parents are going to see together as a little date, and when you visit them next, they'll tell you how it was. Meg Ryan makes her directorial debut on the film, which centers on a teenage telegraph messenger whose brother has gone to fight in WWII, leaving him to take care of his widowed mother (Ryan). Dad will think that it was a pretty good story even if he would have skipped some of the slower parts. Mom will like that John Mellencamp did the music and how Tom Hanks briefly appears as the later-deceased father. "They used to be so cute together in that Sleepless in Seattle and that one... oh, you know--with the emails. So that was nice."

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