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Fifth 'Paranormal Activity' Probably Has Best Subtitle

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It's "THE GHOST DIMENSION." So suck on that, every other movie.

Bill Hader Returning to 'SNL'

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This season's Saturday Night Live will have everything: a Star-Lord, a Silverman, and yes, Stefon. It was announced today that Bill Hader, who left SNL last year, will return to Studio 8H on October 11. He'll promote Skeleton Twins as host alongside musical guest Hozier, your favorite.

Texting Groot Delivers Expected Response

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Ever want to text Groot, because you're just that lonely? Well, now you can, thanks to Twilio's Ricky Robinett (via). He's set up the Guardians of the Galaxy companion call-in service Marvel stupidly didn't make with a phone line to text Groot and receive the pleasantly familiar response you'd expect. Send your thoughts to (866) 740-4531 to have an "I am Groot" break up the many "I am busy, sorry"s in your messages.

Liam Neeson and Bono Have Been Writing a Movie for Six Years

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Finally, the answer to why you keep seeing Liam Neeson and Bono loitering around a MacBook at Starbucks: they're writing their screenplay! Speaking to The Independent (via), Neeson revealed that even though he considers himself sort of more of an actor, and his friend is actually doing some pretty cool stuff in a band, they're also trying to finish a script they've been working on for a while.

"We chat, or with him a lot of the time I just listen. He's a wonderful man," Neeson said of the wonderful Bono. "He's got an idea for a script which we've been working on for the past six years." Continuing, Neeson explained that the screenplay revolves around the "Irish showband phenomenon" of the '70s. Look for it on your iPhones soon, agents.

Dan Aykroyd Wants a Whole Marvel-Style Universe in His Ghostbusters Storage Facility

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Divulging a plan nearly as thought out as his idea to "get her," Dan Aykroyd has revealed his flimsy plot to stretch the Ghostbusters protection grid as thin as he can.

"It's beyond just another sequel, a prequel, another TV show," Aykroyd reportedly said in London, where he was peddling his vodka-in-a-human-skull. "What does Pixar and Star Wars mean to Disney? What does Marvel mean to Fox?" In essence, what does integrity mean to the voice of 2010's Yogi Bear?

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We've Got Our New Ben-Hur

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Boardwalk Empire's Jack Huston has scored the hot part of being constantly compared to the Oscar-winning performance of Charlton Heston. Deadline reports that the actor has been cast in the title role of the long-developing Ben-Hur remake that will assumedly be just as timeless as the 1959 version that won 11 Academy Awards. Morgan Freeman is already attached to give the film some of his vocal gravitas in the role of Ildarin, the man who teaches Ben-Hur the art of being in a cool chariot race set piece. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter's Timur Bekmambetov is directing the film from a script that is said to focus more on the parallel story of Jesus Christ--ideal for a director experienced in shoehorning more risen dead in there.

Tommy Wiseau's Weird Sitcom Thing Soon Coming to NYC

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The Room's auteur Tommy Wiseau is finally releasing his sitcom, and the Dennys of New York City are being given their much lusted-after opportunity to watch. The Neighbors, Wiseau's long-gestating stab at deliberate comedy, will have its premiere screening alongside his infamous feature on September 26 and 27 at the Lower East Side's Sunshine Cinema. You can also have a look at the eclectic, weirdly chicken-filled poster for the event below, and if you're not familiar with what The Neighbors is, please just look back at this post. Like everything Wiseau does, it would be too difficult to try to explain again.

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NBC Begs We Take 'Problem Child' Series into Our Homes

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Confidant that even the worst, least-wanted idea could be nurtured into something that could one day be accepted in a home, NBC has put into development a sitcom take on the 1990 comedy Problem Child. According to Deadline, frequent Todd Phillips frat-writer Scott Armstrong (Road Trip, Old School, Hangover, Part II) is adapting the film, maintaining the original premise of a couple that adopts a seven-year-old boy who "wreaks havoc in their lives and leaves a path of destruction anywhere he goes." The original starred John Ritter, Amy Yasbeck, Gilbert Gottfried, Jack Warden, and a proto-hipster Michael Richards. That was already followed by two quick sequels and a short-lived animated series that aired back in 1993-94. Thankfully, the idea of an abandoned, emotionally-abused child lashing out is evergreen in its hilarity.