Sleuth Remake with Caine and Law

September 7, 2006

law-caine-sleuth.jpgThe classic British film, Sleuth, which starred Laurence Olivier and Michael Caine, is the next in line for an unnecessary remake, this time with Caine taking on Olivier's role and Jude Law moving into Caine's hairdresser part. Kenneth Branagh will direct the pair in the plot that, if it's anything like the original, is basically the two actors walking around a mansion for a couple hours.

I'm curious if modern audiences will tolerate such a slow-paced story. We've grown accustomed to MTV's style of fast cuts, flashy effects, and Gideon Yago. Something will need to be done to keep the attention of the youth. Here are my ideas to modernize the concept:

- Allow audience members to call in and vote off one of the stars. Replace voted-off actor with out-of-work celebrity.
- Instead of adultery, the conflict stems from unreturned "Thx for the add!" from Law after MySpace friending (plus, Caine posts too many survey bulletins).
- Reveal one of them has a "firecrotch." Let the story go where it will from there.
- Same plot, but they're also competing to eat a horse penis by the end credits.

No matter how it's updated, I can't wait to see why it's much worse.

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