'Sex and the City' Spoilers: BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WAIT!!!

September 20, 2007

sex-and-the-city-movie.jpg
above: Chris Noth (Mr. Big) poses with Sarah Jessica Parker (a horse).

May 30, 2008, after years of anxious waiting, audiences will be treated to what may be the most anticipated movie in history, Sex and the City. On that date, the television show that took the artfulness of Citizen Kane and added shopping and screwing will finally reach theaters, from which it will be drastically edited and shown on TBS.

But if you're like me, YOU CAN'T F'ING WAIT THAT LONG! What is going on with with Mr. Big and Carrie??? Why don't you let me tell you! Here are some hot details, which may spoil the plot but not nearly as much as the show has spoiled society:

- The long-infertile Charlotte (Kristin Davis) is now pregnant! In a scene shot Thursday morning on the corner of 70th & Lexington at a restaurant called Luni, Charlotte and Big are coming out of the restaurant when Charlotte's water breaks. She tries to hail a cab, when Big throws her in his car.

- Big and Carrie are moving in together and they are apartment-hunting in NYC.

- Carrie and the girls discuss men and sex through a series of poorly-written, unrealistic conversations.*

- Carrie discovers that the name "Big" applies less to his sexual organ, more to his enormous collection of Big memorabilia, in a scene where Mr. Big demands, "F*** me on this giant toy keyboard, in front of the innocent eyes of the fortune telling machine!"*

- Samantha (Kim Cattrall) is revealed to be an animate mannequin.* Also, an enormous slut.

- In the final scene, it's revealed that the entire series was taking place in the mind of an autistic child. A really shallow, slutty autistic child.*

*unconfirmed.

'Sex and the City' Is Back [OMG!]

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