'Terminator: Salvation' Ending Revealed to be Stupid

June 3, 2008

terminator.jpg

Want to know the probable ending to Terminator: Salvation long before its release? Want to be horribly disappointed in something beyond your control? Then look under the cut!

From AICN, and confirmed by CHUD:

"Alright so the main character is a cyborg named Marcus. For some background, Marcus was a criminal who was executed in 2003. He donated his body to Project Angel which was involved with SkyNet. They take his body and make a terminator out of him so he's a terminator skeleton but has living muscle/skin and a beating heart too. At the end of the movie John Connor is fighting a T800 model 101 and loses. He dies and the top resistance people come up with a plan to help the resistance keep fighting on. The resistance feels that it's important to keep the image or idea that John Connor is still alive so the resistance keeps going. So they rip off Marcus' skin and put John Connor's on the skeleton so now Marcus is John Connor."

I think I get it. So, basically, Terminator 4 just devolves into a bizarrely convoluted sitcom plot? I'm imagining something like this:

Sarge: "Marcus, the rest of the resistance is going to be here in half-an-hour! Where's John Connor?"

Marcus: "Uh, bad news, Sarge. He's kinda... uh, dead?"

[audience laughter]

Sarge: "He's what???"

[more laughter]

Marcus: "Dead, sir."

Sarge: "I heard you, you nitwit!"

[laughter]

Sarge: "Well, we can't let the resistance know he's dead! Hmm... I got it! We'll rip off your skin and stretch his skin over your Terminator skeleton! They'll never know!"

Marcus: "But his skin is a medium--I wear a large flesh suit!"

[audience erupts]

Then there's a hilarious scene were Marcus has to fake his way through a date with John Connor's girlfriend after hiding a Terminator skeleton under his blankets so his parents won't know he snuck out to join the resistance movement. This transitions perfectly into the second film, in which Marcus copies some top secret SkyNet documents onto the sole of his shoe, only to realize he learned the information in the process.

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