As the trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation opens, already the eponymous team is being betrayed. Like a mom angry that she keeps stepping on your little plastic men, the U.S. President (or, more likely, Arnold Vosloo's evil Disguise Man) has ordered the elimination of all G.I. Joes, thus immediately rationalizing a huge casting shake-up over on the good guy's side. With G.I. Wayans and the lot seemingly dead from the outset, the team is now led by either The Rock or a strangely absent Channing Tatum, and the only other members of the team appear to be a different babe, some dude, and a handful of ninjas. And, with Dennis Quaid apparently also MIA, there's only one man the gruop can trust: Bruce Willis. Because if you can't trust the guy who briefly swings by in an El Camino just to pick up his wisecrack check, who can you trust?
Well, I can't say I'm completely sold, but at least all the indiscriminate shooting and ninja shit does seem to be more G.I. Joe-esque than its predecessor. I'm almost certain I staged that same cliff-face sword battle in 1989, off the back of my living room couch.