No, really, that's going to be an actual movie.
So says THR, who are reporting that 3 Ninjas and National Treasure series director Jon Turteltaub has signed on to develop and direct Fox 2000's Beached, a film that "centers on a chubby 4-year-old child who falls overboard during a family outing, is raised by whales and goes on to become an Olympic swimmer." The film will mark Turteltaub's first return to the Olympics since 1993's Cool Runnings, and comes from a pitch originally made by the Ocean's Eleven writer back in 1997. The script has been rewritten since, most recently by 3, 2, 1... Frankie Go Boom writer-director Jordan Roberts, but for the last fifteen years has still remained too stupid to shoot--until now, that is, what with the enormous popularity of Olympics swimming, obesity, and human-whale adoption narratives. Truly a perfect triumvirate of entertainment, unmatched since, well, probably 3 Ninjas.