Hey, Check Out These Cool New Suits from 'Iron Man 3'!

March 28, 2013


The Iron Man 3 Facebook has revealed a few new suits from the upcoming film, starting with the Mark 17, aka "Heartbreaker." So named for its unique ability for false affection, it is Tony Stark's go-to choice for finding Match.com's most desperate and emotionally-fragile older men, then bringing them to the brink of suicide with painful, unexplained rejection. Awesome!


Ladies and gentlemen, meet Igor. He's built for heavy lifting, and that he does: this suit must never be worn, and is kept only to symbolically contain Stark's guilt over all the innumerable chimpanzees he's brutally killed--sometimes with his own hands, if their anguish demands it--in testing his various suits. Sometimes he swears Igor cries out to him. Cool!


Finally, we've got the Mark 39, the sub-orbital suit. Better known as "Gemini," whoever wears this suit is wanted for questioning in a string of related crimes committed in Target dressing rooms between February and May of 2003. If you have any information, please contact Orange County police. Radical!

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