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Directors Found for 2/3 of Our Van Damme Remakes

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Because the Jean-Claude Van Damme catalogue won't just remake itself sans its star and sole reason for ever existing, directors have been hired on to head new versions of Kickboxer and Bloodsport.

Deadline reports the Kickboxer remake will be helmed by Hong Kong director Stephen Fung, whose martial arts film Tai Chi Zero was big at the Chinese box office last year. Jim McGrath and Dimitri Logothetis will write the script. Like the original, it will concern a guy avenging his brother against a powerful Bangkok rival, by kicking and punching him in a semi-controlled setting. Casting is already underway to find someone to accomplish this task with less prolonged, intense glaring than Ryan Gosling apparently needed.

Meanwhile, that Bloodsport remake first discussed two years ago is moving forward with Ninja Assassin's James McTeigue directing. As previously reported, the remake will move the bloodsporting tournament from Hong Kong to South America, and now it will focus on "the morally-conflicted life of 21st century mercenaries who clash with the underground world of Brazilian Vale Tudo." Finally, we'll address whether the modern-day, ethical mercenary can still do the splits and punch a guy in the dick.

Now Universal just needs to find someone to direct theirTimecop remake. Then we'll be just a Double Impact away from at long last ridding ourselves of all major VDs.

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