As the Judi Dench-starring Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and Dustin Hoffman's Quartet still left you horny for elderly romantic comedy, Dench and Hoffman are pairing their septuagenarian passions to bring you some more. They've reportedly signed on to hook up in BBC One's film production of Esio Trot, an adaptation of the 1990 lesser Roald Dahl work of the same name. Dench will play Ms. Silver, a woman hoping her beloved pet tortoise will, after years, finally grow. Hoffman will play her upstairs neighbor, Mr. Hoppy, who woos Ms. Silver by giving her an incantation to speed her pet's development; in actuality, he secretly switches out the tortoise for progressively larger models, tricking her into thinking his magic worked. What a delightfully manipulative psychopath! Love, Actually's Richard Curtis wrote the script, though, so things will hopefully work out without anyone getting beaten to death with a shell.