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Relativity Joins Audiences in Not Caring About 'Stretch Armstrong' Movie

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Relativity Media has joined the rest of humanity in completely, utterly having no hope for a Stretch Armstrong movie. The company has reportedly dropped the film from its April release schedule and ending its partnership with Hasbro, owners of the elasticated, shirtless man who would clearly make for a great movie.

The project has long been ill-fated in more than just its fundamentally gross, unstable innards. In 2010, Hasbro and Universal teamed up to develop it as a loose form to contain the gunk that is Taylor Lautner. After a couple years of that never quite congealing, Stretch Armstrong became gritty, as will happen if you ever take the toy outside or give it to The Crazies director Breck Eisner, who was re-imagining the tale as "a gritty actioner introducing the character of Lucas Armstrong and the life-or-death consequences he will face after undergoing a transformation granting him superhuman abilities." That was the state of things up until this announcement, which now leaves in the position of either giving up on this or trying to find a new studio to finally get production going. Hopefully they'll choose the latter. We just can't leave this story untold:

  • July 20, 2012
    His work on Sahara establishing him as a filmmaker capable of shooting both action and tanned assholes with their shirt needlessly off, Breck Eisner has been hired to direct Hasbro and Relativity Media's movie about mushy, elasticated toy icon Stretch Armstrong. And he's going ... / Continue →
  • January 30, 2012
    Hasbro and Universal once stood together in making a Stretch Armstrong movie, each taking a rubbery hand in their own and walking forward with the project. But in the years since the project last made progress, the two have been slowly parting ways--Universal recently put off a... / Continue →
  • April 25, 2012
    - Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life writer Dean Georgaris has been hired to adapt Relativity Media's recently-acquired Stretch Armstrong property into "a plausible, action-oriented" film. Finally, we'll have a convincing, reasonable action film about a stretchable huma... / Continue →
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