Wayne Knight Still Alive, By the Way
This weekend, word begin spreading around the internet that actor Wayne Knight had died in a car accident, and the world bellowed a mournful "Newman!" Well, it turns out that was for nothing, because Wayne Knight is fine. "Some of you will be glad to hear this, others strangely disappointed, but....I am alive and well," tweeted Jurassic Park's IT department. Reports to the contrary were the apparent result of some fraudulent websites, run by the sort of monsters who thought it was funny when you believed Napoleon Dynamite died. And that's why you should only accept death reports from reputable sources--like The New York Times, specters, or sheepish doctors hesitant when asked how the operation went.