'Stretch Armstrong' Still Insistently Hitting Screens, Now on Netflix

January 28, 2016

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With the resilience of a shirtless, tanned man's limbs contracting to their original length, a screen version of Stretch Armstrong has for years plagued Hollywood, hovering just out of reach of their grossly stretched arms.

The project has long been ill-fated in more than just its fundamentally disgusting, unstable innards. In 2010, Hasbro and Universal teamed up to develop a Stretch Armstrong film as a loose form to contain the human gunk that is Taylor Lautner. After a couple years of that never quite congealing, Stretch Armstrong became gritty, as will happen if you ever take the toy outside--or if you give it to The Crazies director Breck Eisner, who re-imagined the film as "a gritty actioner introducing the character of Lucas Armstrong and the life-or-death consequences he will face after undergoing a transformation granting him superhuman abilities." Throughout it all, no one has seemed to be concerned that Stretch Armstrong toys haven't even been in stores for 20 years.

Now, it seems that, in their desperation to catch up with and overtake the big film studios, Netflix is also looking to capitalize on the purely imagined brand power of Mr. Armstrong. The company has just announced that they've teamed with Hasbro to re-imagine the superbly irrelevant character in an animated series. It's said to focus on "Jake Armstrong and his two best friends," teenagers exposed to an experimental chemical that turns them into "STRETCH ARMSTRONG and the FLEX FIGHTERS." Think the Fantastic Four, but if there were only three of them, and if they all had the same, least-effective power.

The series is expected to debut in late 2017, to the delight of several middle-aged executives at Hasbro.

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