January 30, 2006
All the naughty bits are strategically covered, but I think I finally understand why Underworld: Evolution was universally regarded as being superior to the first. If a naked Kate Beckinsale doesn't make your movie a masterpiece, nothing will. Except maybe Christopher Walken dancing.
Fans of the 50's pin-up star Bettie Page, or just general perverts, should check out the trailer for the new biopic The Notorious Bettie Page. The whole trailer has a pretty interesting look, with parts shot in black and white, parts in color, and parts in enormous panties. I don't know what it is that makes Bettie Page still so intriguing after all these years, but I imagine it's that there are thousands of pictures of her half-naked.
I've always said, "Sure, Jason Voorhees is great at a-killin', but what was he like before he started hacking people apart?" New Line has finally responded with the news of a Friday the 13th prequel in the works, to be released on Friday, October 13th, the very day/date combination the film is based on! Though details are scant, I'm hoping this new film will finally uncover Jason's teenage, awkward stage, when the mask was just to cover acne and a bashful insecurity towards the fairer sex. I'm also hoping it reveals that Jason was beaten up by girls and refused to shower in gym, because then maybe they'll cast me as Jason.
So Fox has released a teaser trailer for The Omen 666. In it, we slowly approach the Devil incarnate child Damien as he slowly drifts back-and-forth on a swing. Just as we get close to him, he quickly turns towards the camera, staring with all the evil inside him.
Except, he really doesn't seem that evil. I mean, sure, he seems a little pretentious in his smart little red ensemble, but I don't know if it's that evil. Couldn't they make his eyes glow red, or have him spit some flames, have his lower half turn into a serpent beast, or something like that? Maybe that's too blatant for some, but don't we need some kind of definitive characteristic to firmly distinguish between Satan himself and just some chubby shit of a kid?
Andy Serkis, who gained a following playing Gollum in Lord of the Rings, both Kong and Lumpy in King Kong, and having the hair of Brian Setzer, has been cast as an assistant to David Bowie in Christopher Nolan's new film The Prestige. In the film, Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale star as rival magicians battling each other for trade secrets. Here's a tip if you're going to be an assistant to David Bowie: know now that it will likely involve wearing spandex and at least a few awkward conversations about androgyny.
The writers of Wedding Crashers, Steve Faber and Bob Fisher, have been commissioned by Fox to write a script based on Josha Davis's GQ article about being a 134-pound man competing in the U.S. Sumo Open. John Heder of Napoleon Dynamite fame is already being tapped to play the lead. Let's hope these comedy writers are able to resist making this too much of a slapstick, and really get to the deep emotional drama of a skinny white guy wrestling a nearly-naked 500 pound man.
My only question: When will Hot Topic begin carrying "Vote for Sumo" shirts?