I Watch Stuff - Probably The Worst Movie Blog You've Ever Seen

Sean Penn Might Be in PTA's 'Inherent Vice' Too

2013-05-21T18:25:04Z

Paul Thomas Anderson may have found yet another brooding actor to balance out his newfound collection of yellow-haired Vince Vaughn co-stars. PTA blog Cigarettes & Red Vines (via) reports Sean Penn has entered talks to join Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio del Toro, Reese Witherspoon, and Owen Wilson in the director's next film, Inherent Vice. Penn would likely be playing a powerful and violent loan shark, also joining Jena Malone, Kevin O'Connor, and, amazingly, Martin Short in the Thomas Pynchon adaptation. Penn has never worked with the director before but nearly did back in 2002, when he was attached for a time to Philip Seymour Hoffman's role in Punch-Drunk Love. And speaking of, is there a reason Philip Seymour Hoffman not in this yet? I know he wasn't in There Will Be Blood, but come on. We all want to see that pudgy little face looking distressed. Let's get it in there.

Alejandro Jodorowsky Made Another Film, and Here's the Trailer

2013-05-21T16:38:46Z

Absent from filmmaking for over twenty years, Alejandro Jodorowsky has at last returned to haunt you with more violent imagery and sand with La Danza de la Realidad. In comparison to the director's most famous creations, the surreal cult films The Holy Mountain and El Topo, this looks fairly whimsical--you know, besides the immediate bucket of guts, but that's only to be expected. The film reportedly takes an autobiographical look at Jodorowsky's Chilean childhood, following in the Fellini tradition of stylizing the events with an intricate, surreal beauty. Meanwhile, following in the Barnes & Noble calendar section tradition, there are also some dogs in funny costumes. Here's the trailer:

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Possibly also following the Birdemic tradition of using animated bird gifs as special effects?

New Batch of 'Man of Steel' Posters Don't Skimp on the Lens Flares

2013-05-21T15:24:17Z

Superman, Jor-El, Zod, and not Kevin Costner are highlighted in some new posters from the upcoming Man of Steel. No expense has been spared in motion blurs and lens flaring. Have a look below.

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I guess this is when Zod and we, the audience, learns that Superman always flies like that so he's not the one getting punched in the face.

Inspiring mankind to always stand around like this, to show off how you work out.

In this version of Superman's origin story, father Jor-El sends his infant son to Earth as a panicked libertarian response to Krypton's increasingly stringent gun regulation.

Bondage Sub Zod with Safe-Word Action.™

'Nymphomaniac' Sex To Be Handled by CGI Porn Centaurs

2013-05-21T14:03:21Z

Sorry, but it sounds like Nymphomaniac won't be satisfying any longheld dreams of watching Christian Slater stick his dick in something. Though director Lars von Trier has promised sex in his film would be as un-simulated as the human despair, producer Louise Vesth has now clarified that while the sex will indeed be real, the excited genitals involved won't necessarily belong to who you think they do.

]]> "We shot the actors pretending to have sex and then had the body doubles, who really did have sex, and in post we will digital-impose the two," Vesth explained to The Hollywood Reporter. "So above the waist it will be the star and the below the waist it will be the doubles," an exquisite corpse of Stellan Skarsgård and XXX hardcore action.

The time required for the post-production humping synthesis was apparently one of the key reasons the film was not ready for this year's Cannes Film Festival. But such are the sacrifices von Trier makes as a true technical innovator in the world of pleasureless sex.

New 'The Wolverine' Trailer Offers More Licking

2013-05-21T13:19:16Z

With The Wolverine hitting theaters in just two months, 20th Century Fox has released yet another trailer for their ongoing saga of Hugh Jackman not singing. Based on a famed comic arc from Chris Claremont and Frank Miller, the film sees Logan visit Japan, where he faces death and sushi, which he's at first very reluctant to try, noting that raw fish sounds so gross. Later, though, someone finally tricks him into eating some, and once it's revealed what he's just consumed, Logan is surprised and delighted to find himself enjoying the cuisine, chuckling at how silly he'd been to avoid it. In the epilogue, back in the U.S., he picks up some more sushi from a suburban strip mall, but he notes to Cyclops that he's been to Japan and it's way better there. "Have you been? You should really go in spring." I don't know why they made a movie out of that.

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Dan Aykroyd Promises 'Ghostbusters 3' Will at Least Be Sort of Scientifically Sound, Besides the Ghosts

2013-05-20T20:55:37Z

Pretending for a moment that Larry King doesn't know anything about particle physics, dimensions, or planes of existence, Dan Aykroyd recently told Larry King what the hell is going on with Ghostbusters 3.

]]> Though the typically too-vocal actor hasn't been talking about the sequel much as of late, it's apparently still going to happen, even though Bill Murray is still a decided "no" for returning. Aykroyd didn't get into a lot of the details of the script, or offer any casting possibilities beyond Larry King reprising his role as himself, but did hint that the film could reference actual science that has more support than the "kill a painted ghost, you replace him in the painting" theory of Ghostbusters 2.

"It's based upon new research that's being done in particle physics by the young people, young men and women at Columbia University," Aykroyd said (via).

King responded, "You believe in this?" All these years later, still skeptical of "ghost busting" and "research."

"Well, I believe in science. I believe in entertainment," Aykroyd continued, "And I think to contemplate the ideas of ghosts and survival of the consciousness, it's very, very entertaining.

"Basically, there's research being done that... I can say that our world, our dimension that we live in, our four planes of existence--length, height, width, and time--become threatened by some of the research that's being done. And Ghostbusters--new Ghostbusters--have to come and solve the problem."

Then all the skeptics were quickly quieted and became enthusiastic, because no one had told them length was going to involved in this thing.

'Star Wars' Might Star Jonathan Rhys Meyers

2013-05-20T18:36:27Z

The Tudors star Jonathan Rhys Meyers is rumored to be the first newcomer to join Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford in seeing if people still enjoy space battles. Latino Review claims the actor "already has" a part in J.J. Abrams' Star Wars: Episode VII, bringing him back to his Mission: Impossible III director and a universe where Obi-Wan forces you to search your feelings. There's not yet word on what that the role may be, so your guess is as good as mine. Or maybe better, because my guess is newly-svelte Wicket.

'Star Trek' Continues Payback for All Those Years of Being Ridiculed

2013-05-20T17:27:27Z

Your weekend box office:

1. Star Trek Into Darkness - $70.6 million, another huge, number-one opening for the re-invented franchise. Things keep going this way, one day John Cho is going to have quite the popular Facebook page.

2. Iron Man 3 - $35.1 million. As one Sherlock ascends, another falls. Much like in my fan fiction, Swapping Holmes.

3. The Great Gatsby - $23.4 million. The film is now only $10 million short of the $100 million domestic gross F. Scott Fitzgerald always imagined as sort of an unofficial success benchmark.

4. Pain and Gain - $3.1 million, still holding on to the top five until next week, when The Rock is getting his drivers license.

5. The Croods - $2.8 million, climbing up two spots in its 9th week as your kid just had to see this fucking thing again.

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

Here's Your First Guitar Lesson, from David Brent

2013-05-20T15:52:24Z

As promised last week, Ricky Gervais's iconic manager is taking his inspirational teachings from edgy motivational speaking to music lessons with a new series, Learn Guitar with David Brent. Here's your first lesson, in which Brent sort of teaches a few chords, then debuts the full version of his new, "very personal" song, "Life on the Road." As this is a David Brent lesson, also expect to learn a little something about self-delusion and subtle tragedy. Bonus!

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Larry David HBO Movie Has Teaser, Hobo Hair

2013-05-20T14:31:20Z

Still no new season of Curb, but this August, Larry David will at least give us an apparently more-hirsute form of improvised hysterics with the original movie Clear History. Premiering on HBO, the largely-ad-libbed comedy stars David as a marketing executive who gets into an argument with boss Jon Hamm and drops his 10% stake in their electric car start-up; disgraced when the company soon becomes a billion-dollar success, David's Nathan Flomm changes his name and retreats to an island, where he later finds himself again confronted by Hamm's obnoxious success in business and genetics. Arguments on social norms and personal taboos presumably ensue.

EW has just debuted a teaser and first image from the film, and from the looks of it, this could be a major departure for David. Mostly in that there won't be any "bald/four-eyed fuck" jokes in this, because L.D. looks like Patrick Stewart as a vacationing caveman. Anyway, there's also a short promo for the film, where you can see David's new, flowing locks blow in the breeze of a convertible. Have a look below.

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Superbad director Greg Mottola is directing the film--though, clearly, longtime Seinfeld/Curb director Larry Charles is there in spirit.

Happy Easter: It's a New 'Anchorman: The Legend Continues' Trailer

2013-05-20T13:31:05Z

Now one year since early Anchorman 2 teasers first brought everyone back together, here's a new teaser, with even more of the cast saying spouting catchphrases and/or showing symptoms of mental illness. Savor it, because the film still isn't coming out until Christmas.

Also, in further Anchorman cameo news, turns out Drake shot a scene in the sequel this weekend, spotted Saturday choking Brick with a hockey stick. Apparently Degrassi didn't teach this guy his lesson about taunting troubled outcasts.

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'Atlantic Rim' Trailer: Different Rim, Slightly Less-Expensive Robots

2013-05-17T20:44:50Z

In Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim, giant monsters rise up from the Pacific ocean to wage war on man, and man responds by creating massive, powerful mech-suits to fight back the beasts. Meanwhile, in rip-off expert The Asylum's Atlantic Rim, that also happens, but due to trademark and budgetary constraints, now it happens in the Atlantic, the robots are controlled by looking like you're going bodyboarding, and the biggest star is Maverick and Die Hard 3 supporting actor Graham Greene. Otherwise, same thing. Here's the trailer:

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He was the first one to sign up AND he passed all the tests? Now that sounds like the kind of punctual, satisfactory antihero I can get behind!

(Thanks, Chris)

David O. Russell To Show How Actually Robert De Niro Killed JFK

2013-05-17T19:11:38Z

David O. Russell, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Robert De Niro are reportedly getting in on the recent trend of re-murdering Kennedy with an adaptation of Legacy of Secrecy. Showbiz411 claims DiCaprio's Appian Way production company is finally moving forward with its option on the possibly non-fiction book, hiring on David O. Russell to write and direct the film about how the President really died: from a mob hit, duh. De Niro is said to be returning to both Russell's direction and his old mafioso schtick to play Carlos Marcello, the New Orleans kingpin who, before his death in 1993, supposedly said he was the one who put out the JFK kill order. Since then, his claim has been substantiated by evidence Kennedy was indeed shot.

The assassination has been a popular topic in the last couple years, with Tom Hanks and Jonathan Demme both already at work on their own projects on the subject. But seeing as Demme's further involves a time traveler meeting Elvis and other past celebrities, and Tom Hanks' involves Tom Hanks, Russell's take is at least unique in that it in no way resembles Forrest Gump.

Melissa Joan Hart's Kickstarter Movie Didn't Go So Well

2013-05-17T17:30:42Z

Evidently, the Melissa & Joey fan community is not the vast well of discretionary income Melissa Joan Hart assumed it was. While Zach Braff is off spending his Kickstarter money on the extravagances of Mandy Patinkin, Hart this week was forced to cancel her Kickstart project you're just hearing about now.

]]> Like Braff, she'd been hoping to raise $2 million for a passion project, a Melissa Joan Hart vehicle titled Darci's Walk of Shame. Hart's Sabrina the Teenage Witch director Tibor Takács was attached to direct the film, a break from his making films almost entirely about spiders, tornadoes, and Mansquitos. Unfortunately, after just over a month of the Kickstarter's 45-day run, Hart had raised only around $50k for her "Funny, sexy, screwball, adult, romantic comedy," so she's quietly canceled the fundraising effort. That means she'll lose what's already been raised, but Clarissa's fans should not despair. While she may lose her funding, nothing will ever take away Drive Me Crazy.

(Thanks, Todd)

Christopher Nolan Offered Next Bond

2013-05-17T15:36:17Z

Just as J.J. Abrams has been given the keys to all our best space nerdery, it seems Christopher Nolan is getting handed all the action guys with cool toys and suits. The Daily Mail reports that, with Sam Mendes leaving the 007 franchise after Skyfall, the Dark Knight director has been approached to take over and finally name Michael Caine the new Bond.

]]> Of course, the story also notes that these informal talks are in "early days," and there are more reasons than not Nolan would turn down the offer. Among them: he's already in the thick of pre-production on Interstellar, his sci-fi film set to send Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, and Jessica Chastain into a wormhole or something. Plus, the job would reportedly mean "at least a year to 18 months of pre-production preparation and then six months of filming," which might not be what Nolan is looking for so soon after getting out of another massive franchise.

But as the story also notes, "It does no harm for [Bond producers] Broccoli and Wilson to talk with Nolan, even if nothing happens this time round." After all, this could be their only chance to ask if you could incept a cat.