ABC has ordered a television pilot based on last summer's box office hit, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, in which a bored married couple learns they're both deadly assassins when they're hired to kill each other. Doug Liman, director of the film version, will shoot the episode if his schedule allows. Sometimes a film begs for a television version, but this isn't one of those times. How many times can a married couple learn they're both deadly agents?
"You're a deadly agent, Mrs. Smith? Oh, that's right. I think I remember that yesterday when you kept trying to kill me."
"Men never listen!" says Mrs. Smith with a shrug. The audience roars with laughter and applause, knowing it's true.
Also, no matter who they cast, they're clearly going to be uglier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Do they think I'll drink diet once they've given me regular?*