And the Winners Are... (Referring to Oscar Winners)

February 26, 2007


Last night, Hollywood held the most lavish employee of the year ceremony known to man, calling it "The Oscars." The results of their categorical awarding were as follows, accompanied by my recommended nickname(s) to use when congratulating the winner.

Best motion picture of the year
"The Departed"
Nickname(s): D-Part, Depart Chopra

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Forest Whitaker in "The Last King of Scotland"
Nickname(s): Witty, Forry, Rainforest, Ol' Screwy Eye

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in "Little Miss Sunshine"
Nickname(s): Al of Ark, Alan of the Lost Ark, Barkin' Arkin, Alan Alda

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Helen Mirren in "The Queen"
Nickname(s): Hell Hole, Jeerin' Mirren, GILF

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls"
Nickname(s): Hudsucker, J-Hud, American Idol Loser

Best animated feature film of the year
"Happy Feet"
Nickname(s): Hap-Fee, Stupid Dancing Penguin Movie

Achievement in art direction

"Pan's Labyrinth"
Nickname(s): Panny, Pan-Lab

Achievement in cinematography
"Pan's Labyrinth"

Achievement in costume design
"Marie Antoinette"
Nickname(s): Marieantoinette (said quickly, as if one word)

Achievement in directing
Martin Scorsese, "The Departed"

Best documentary feature
"An Inconvenient Truth"
Nickname(s): Incon, The Al Gore One, Liberal Lies

Best documentary short subject
"The Blood of Yingzhou District"
Nickname(s): The B.Y.D., Yingzy, Any combination of "ching, chang, chong" said in offensive accent

Achievement in film editing
"The Departed"

Best foreign language film of the year
"The Lives of Others"
Nickname(s): The L of O, Lives

Achievement in makeup
"Pan's Labyrinth"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
Gustavo Santaolalla, "Babel"
Nickname(s): Guster, Tivo, Santa, La-la

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" from "An Inconvenient Truth"
Music and Lyric by Melissa Etheridge
Nickname(s): Mel, Ether, Lesbian

Best animated short film
"The Danish Poet"
Nickname(s): D.P.

Best live action short film
"West Bank Story"
Nickname(s): West Bank Stor'

Achievement in sound editing
"Letters from Iwo Jima"
Nickname(s): Letters, Iwo Jimster, The Jimster, Iwo Jimbo

Achievement in sound mixing
Nickname(s): D-Girls

Achievement in visual effects
"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"
Nickname(s): Rates-DMC, Dead Man's Chest, Peter O'Toole's Chest

Adapted screenplay
"The Departed"
Screenplay by William Monahan
Nickname(s): Bill Monahan

Original screenplay
"Little Miss Sunshine"
Written by Michael Arndt
Nickname(s): Mikey A, Arndt You Michael?

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