Jessica Biel is Hot, Chinese

May 9, 2007

"I would never be in a movie with Dane Cook like that Jessica Alba trollop."

Chun-Li from Street Fighter, that sixteen-bit sexpot spank material for adolescent boys before the advent of online porn, is supposedly going to be played by Jessica Biel in a new, disappointingly Van Damme-less movie version of the video game.

Jessica Biel doesn't look very much like a Chinese girl to me, but she does look like the girl I had sex with last night!

I taught her the old ping pong ball trick so the character would be more authentic. (Here's where I'd make that sound with my finger and cheek that they do at the beginning of "Lollypop")


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