Ben Affleck Directs, Kevin Smith Swoons

July 12, 2007

New technology actually allows us to take pictures from inside Kevin Smith's ass

Ben Affleck has spent so much of his career doing shitty movies and getting engaged to annoying Puerto Rican chicks that many people forget that he got his big break as a writer of a movie that won an academy award. And winning an academy award for a movie without retards or nazis is tough (though I guess Will Hunting was supposed to be kind of a savant).

Anyway, the trailer for his directorial debut, Gone Baby, Gone hit the web a few days ago. It stars Ed Harris, Morgan Freeman and overshadowed brothers Casey Affleck and Robert Wahlberg (and I'll eat a dog turd if this motherf***er didn't go by "Bobby" his entire life). The flick's an adaptation of a Dennis Lehane (Mystic River) novel, and Affleck wouldn't be Affleck if it didn't involve some wicked quee-uhs and lose-uhs from Beantown.

Predictably, Kevin Smith loves it. "It’s one of those movies where you watch and you’re like [groan] First time out? He made a better movie than I’ve ever made. That jerk! And he’s easier to look at, richer, I hate him so much! And not many people know this, but he has the anus of an 8-year-old Korean boy."

Okay, maybe I made that last part up. And sadly, I could only find one clip of Affleck on SNL, but it forever redeemed my opinion of him. "So I'm feedin' mah ferret, in the nute, as ah do..."


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