Jet Li and Jackie Chan to Do Chinese Things

July 10, 2007

LoPan.jpg
An angry Lo Pan reeves my racist soul.

As my 7th grade teacher Mrs. Chang taught us, the Chinese are reknowned for their action films as well as their kung fu prowess, mathematics skills, and ineptitude behind the wheel. That's why it's so nice to hear that Jet Li and Jackie Chan, those two Chinese tiger-dragons of action cinema, are teaming up for Forbidden Kingdom.

In this re-telling, an American teenager (Michael Angarano) discovers a staff which transports him to ancient China where he joins in a quest to return the staff to the Monkey King. Jet Li plays the dual role of the Monkey King and Silent Monk while Jackie Chan will play a kung fu master named Lu Yan.

This should be good, because Chris Tucker isn't in it, and any Chinese actor in Hollywood, pretty much the first thing you learn is how to play is a monk or kung fu master. There are only two things that I can think of that would make this movie better:

1. Lo Pan
2. The American teenager should always be addressed as "Young Round-Eye"

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