What follows is an I Watch Stuff exclusive transcript of the pitch to New Line for Semi-Pro, as pitched by a 22-year-old male from the University of Michigan wearing a Pabst Blue Ribbon box as a hat.
"All right, bros, this shit's gonna be hilarious. Me and Tommy came up with this shit last night at Kojak's while playing X-Box. OK, you guys know Will Ferrell, right? Dude's f***in' hilarious. You see Anchorman? Kojak can do that whole movie if you give him enough tequila. Funniest shit. Anyway, this movie's got Will Ferrell and he's playin' basketball, but it's funny 'cause he's not that good so he's just semi-pro. You get to see how he plays all shitty, like in Dodgeball. You guy seen Dodgeball? Shit's hilarious.
Anyhow, so he goes back to his shitty hometown to coach some other funny dudes--we were thinkin' Woody Harrelson, 'cause you know he smokes the reefer, that magician dude from Arrested Development, Andre 3000 'cause Hey Ya still rules, and a really hot Maura Tierney.
You guys seen Old School? It's definitely one of the best movies ever--shit's so hilarious, and Vaughn's my boy. We get the dude who wrote that to write this."
(At this point, another male, presumably "Tommy," adds to the pitch.)
"Hey, and I saw Ferrell on Conan the other night and he had this f***in' hilarious afro, like Kojak's got. ...Oh, just a friend of ours. Anyway, we should definitely do something with that 'fro. Shit's hilarious."