'Karate Kid' to be Destroyed by Nine-Year-Old

September 28, 2007

karate-kid-smith.jpg

I'm not one of these guys who things everything from his childhood is sacred. Looking back at G.I. Joe, Thundercats, Transformers, or any of these other '80s hits now being regurgitated by some Hollywood idiots, I have the presence of mind to say, "You know, maybe a show about anthropomorphic cats fighting a transforming mummy wasn't really that stellar to begin with." But with news that The Karate Kid is set to be remade with 9-year-old Will Smith spawn, Jaden, it raises an interesting question: what the f***?

Even ignoring how utterly unnecessary it is to revamp the timeless story of Daniel and Mr. Miyagi, how can it even be done with a nine-year-old kid? Most of the story was about Daniel trying to score, trying to drive, or trying not to get the hell beaten out of him, all of which would seem somewhat inappropriate when done by someone who doesn't have armpit hair. Will the violent fight scenes be replaced by cafeteria Yu-Gi-Oh card battles? And doesn't that misinformed statement alone show you how utterly unaware I am of what nine-year-olds are doing these days? Honestly, who cares what a nine-year-old does? All I can remember from the ages of 6 to 10 was playing kickball and throwing up. How can the trivial life of a nine-year-old possibly translate into the deep, dramatic story that is The Karate Kid?

And don't even get me started on remaking The Karate Kid, Part II. Jaden Smith wouldn't know The Glory of Love if Peter Cetera were singing him to sleep.

A Karate Kid Remake?! [IGN]

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