'Goonies 2' an 'Absolute Certainty' for Disappointment

October 8, 2007


Like every other obnoxious a-hole I know around their mid-20s, I f***ing love The Goonies, and can still watch it to this day without a hint of irony or nostalgia clouding my view of how great it is. Steven Spielberg and Richard Donner found a group of disparate adolescents that were natural actors and combined that with a barely-fathomable story about criminals and lost pirate ships, and somehow it all worked.

Now Sean Astin has told MTV that it's an "absolute certainty" that Goonies 2 will come to fruition once the right story and kids can be assembled. This is a horrible idea, and I'll tell you why: all kids are now obnoxious. I don't know if you've checked MySpace lately, but I've seen Teen Nick[elodeon], The N, the cast of High School Musical, and they're all a bunch of turds. I couldn't hate these kids more. Every boy has this huge, annoying mop of hair swept over their foreheads, and every horse-toothed girl also has a pop album she's trying to push in commercial breaks. They've developed an entire culture based on wanting me to punch them in the face.

Please, Spielberg, Donner, don't make this another Ghostbusters 2, a film so vastly inferior to its near-perfect original that I'll only purchase and occasionally watch it out of a misplaced sense of completion and a chance to see the actors as older, less funny caricatures of their original character.

‘Goonies’ Sequel An ‘Absolute Certainty,’ Says Astin [MTV]

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