'Kept' is Like 'Fatal Attraction' + Mountain Dew

October 15, 2007


For too long, our society has gone with only one version of Fatal Attraction, and that version was always maddeningly dissimilar to Saw. Thankfully, the makers of Saw are finally ready to take on the arduous task of making "a Twisted Pictures take on Fatal Attraction." What does that mean, exactly? Allow producer Mark Burg to explain:

It's about a man who misses his plane and gets stuck in town and stays overnight. He goes to the hotel bar and sees a woman there. They start looking at each other, he sends her a drink, they start flirting. As he's walking over to her, we see him take his wedding band off and he puts it in his pocket. He ends up back at her apartment. She goes into the kitchen and pours two drinks, putting something in his. She then gets undressed and heads into the shower.

Cut to, he wakes up and he's strapped to a bed. This woman walks into the room and says to him, 'You never even asked me my name. You don't even know it. You have a wife at home, maybe some kids.' He tries to tell her he's not married but, of course, there's the indication he had a wedding band on his finger. The story takes off from there.

Naturally, by "the story takes off from there," he means, "this is the point where it gets exceptionally stupid, and he probably has to saw off some parts of his body."

But I hope Twisted Pictures continues this trend after Kept. I want to see what they can do with some other screen classics. Wouldn't Citizen Kane be better if Rosebud were the disembodied head of a relative that Kane had been forced to remove within 90 seconds? Couldn't all of the Godfather saga be improved if more of the hits had been carried out with spikes slowly lowered into pried-open eyes? Can't any film be improved with the addition of a aging, chubby Cary Elwes? I certainly think so. And that's just the kind of raw, edgy, in-your-face cinema you can expect when you let a company named after a pun of a glam metal band remake a movie.

Twisted Pictures' Mark Burg on Kept [Shock Till You Drop]

Read More: horror, kept, news, saw, thriller
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