00:05 - Hayden Christensen is watching TV. That must be what this movie is about. Hey, wait, I watch TV, too! I'm immediately invested in this easily-relatable and likable character.
00:10 - There was just a jarring cut that made it seem like Hayden may have teleported to a different position on the couch. But that's silly, because teleporting is impossible, and stupid at such short distances. I forgive the edit because he just changed the channel to Family Guy, which should have some hilarious off-topic jokes.
00:14 - OK, he definitely teleported this time. Or they're abruptly cutting out a seizure that began at the kitchen and ended at the fridge.
00:25 - The doorman doesn't think Hayden needs an umbrella. Hayden seems to think he will for some reason. Perhaps his teleportation powers also give him meteorological insight.
00:30 - It turns out the doorman didn't take into account that Hayden would be teleporting to Big Ben to stand dramatically in the rain.
00:45 - Hayden has a life others only dream of--no limits, no boundaries, says the narrator. He may be quoting a Nissan commercial.
00:55 - Some asshole drove a car at Hayden and implied he can also teleport. Naturally, the two begin cruising, likely to find more participants for a gay teleportation orgy.
1:05 - "Freedom comes at a price," says the narrator. Apparently that price is a nagging girlfriend who keeps hassling him about his gay teleportation orgies.
1:30 - Samuel L. Jackson, visually channeling Uncle Ben of rice fame, has special sticks and chains that are good for beating up teleporting guys.
2:10 - A lot of running, teleporting, and using the special sticks/chains has happened.
2:12 - Thankfully, they show us how Jumper can be abbreviated for quicker text messaging. (example: omg u c JMPR yet?)
A better quality version is at the official site. Thanks to Joe for the link.