Like a breeze of pollen spreading its offensive seeds across the landscape, a new batch of G.I. Joe character shots have turned up around the web, and they're already causing a harsh reaction from my distorted-nostalgia allergy. Each shot originally appeared on a different site, but I've helpfully assembled them here for easier viewing (with the aid of Cinematical already doing so).
Truth be told, my memories of the specifics of these characters have faded, so I've made up character names and summaries rather than look anything up. I hope that works for everyone.
Navy Seal: British hit-maker Seal, with a gun. (Note: if viewed in close-up, he looks nothing like the R&B singer, Seal. At that point, he becomes Covert-Ops Navy Seal.)
Cae-Borg: A cyborg notable for his heat-sensing cybernetic eye-piece and early-Clooney, Caesar haircut.
Ghost Ninja: A ghost ninja, out for vengeance against his arch-enemy: Standard Ninja.
She's All Thatssassin: The nerdy, four-eyed assassin no one likes... until a makeover and a set of contacts make her the belle of the Assassin's Ball!
Martian Businessman: A businessman--from f***ing Mars!
Someone's Divorced Dad: The sad, divorced dad of one of the Joes, he sometimes shows up unannounced with beer or weed, asking how old everyone thinks he looks in his beret and biker jacket. "Mid-30s, right? I always get that."