Watch: First Seven Minutes of 'Speed Racer'

May 9, 2008


0-:30 - Help! I'm trapped in a sponsored kaleidoscope! Phew, I'm out. Apparently that was just the portal to a Nickelodeon locker room.

:30-4:00 - The constant rhythmic movements, the paralyzing hallucinations, the guttural outbursts, the insane scribblings, the Asperger-level singular obsession mixed with complete social disregard: it's abundantly clear that childhood Speed has some serious mental issues to overcome. I can't wait to see how they address such crippling psychoses in a family movie.

4:00-end - Never mind. I guess we're going to ignore all that in favor of a sneak peek of Nintendo's upcoming F-Zero Played on the Wario's Coliseum Mario Kart Course.

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