Computers Getting Around to Animating 'Romeo and Juliet' but with Gnomes

August 20, 2008

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It's a sad truth, but Fly Me to the Moon will be gone from theaters before you know it, leaving behind only its clear but confusing closing message from Buzz Aldrin, where the astronaut explains that anthropomorphic flies did not, in fact, assist in the first moon landing. Then where will you will turn for a bland, computer-animated movie based entirely around a pun? Here you go:

[James McAvoy and Emily Blunt] are in negotiations to play the title roles of "Gnomeo and Juliet," a CGI-animated Shakespeare adaptation from Miramax and Elton John's Rocket Pictures.

The film will feature several John classics but not Kate Winslet; she was first attached to voice Juliet two years ago and fell out because of scheduling conflicts. Tim Rice also was approached to write original songs with his "Lion King" partner John at the time, but the soundtrack now will be filled with the performer's well-known hits and possibly a few new tracks.

In the loose and edgy adaptation of Shakespeare's play, McAvoy ("Atonement") and Blunt ("The Devil Wears Prada") would play lovers from rival gardens.

1. Don't say it will be "loose and edgy" when what you mean is there will be an irreverent stereotype sidekick and a distracting smattering of pop culture references. That's clearly what you mean, and that isn't loose or edgy.

2. Elton John, have countless drunken karaoke renditions not ruined your '70s catalog (the only good songs) enough? Reworking your classic song about one dead woman to better apply to a new dead woman was plenty. Please, stop.

3. Here's a gimme: Ham-let. It's Hamlet with a cartoon pig. You give him a sassy fawn sidekick you can later spin-off with King Deer. Just get to work on it now so I can stop thinking about it.

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