'XXX 3' Using Writers to Attempt a Story

November 17, 2008

xxx-vin-diesel.jpg

Michael Ferris and John Brancato, the minds that brought us The Net, Catwoman, Terminator 3, and one episode of Married with Children, are in talks to write the script for XXX: The Return of Xander Cage. From Variety:

The writing team, whose credits include "Terminator 3" and the upcoming Jonathan Mostow-directed "Surrogates," began talks after pitching their take last Friday for a new installment in the action series to Columbia Pictures presidents Matt Tolmach and Doug Belgrad.

Producer Joe Roth got Diesel and Cohen to agree to a reteam earlier this year (Daily Variety, Sept. 15). Col moved quickly to lock up the property, getting first look because of its past relationship with "XXX" generator Revolution Studios. Diesel and Cohen teamed on the 2002 original, which starred Diesel as an extreme sports enthusiast drafted by the government for a dangerous mission.

Ferris and Brancato are clearly terrible writers. Catwoman was one of the worst things ever made, and we can only rest part of that blame on Halle Berry's meowing. But, you know, for a XXX movie, they're probably good enough. I'm fine with this. It's like when you get a Stouffer's French bread pizza, and the side of the box tells you you'll get better results if you put it in the oven, but that's going to take like 45 minutes plus pre-heating, and you didn't buy a Stouffer's French bread pizza to wait an hour to eat. You got it because you're extremely lazy, it's 2 in the morning, and that's what was at the deli as you stumbled your way home. You're going to microwave that thing, eat it, and wonder why the next morning. XXX is the French bread pizza, Ferris and Brancato is the microwave, and the deli is TBS. Combine the elements, and you're assured to get a "good enough" every time (so long as it's 2 a.m. and you're drunk). Think about it. I'm almost sure that made sense.

Previous Post
Next Post