'Humpty Dumpty' Poster: He's the Blurry Creature Under the Floorboards

May 18, 2009


Yes, Humpty Dumpty is a horror film antagonist now. Sort of. You see, this Humpty isn't quite the familiar egg-man that falls off a wall and dies after failed reassembly. Some liberties have been taken for the movie adaptation. Most notably, he's now the unholy spawn of a gang of crazed rednecks and their alien, apparently egg-like, gang rape victim. Seriously.

Look, I'm not going to ask why this exists--it's obvious someone had to capitalize on the untapped public desire to see an alien-human hybrid named after a fairy tale character--but I do wonder: how? With the brick-and-mortar video store model nearly dead, I really don't understand how these low-budget, straight-to-video genre films are surviving. Did Netflix come up with a feature where you can simulate wandering around a store with a group of people unable to agree on anything until something like Humpty Dumpty is suggested as a joke but then actually, regretfully rented? That's the only way I know of people renting the world's Humpty Dumpties. Are Walmart value bins the new video stores? Someone do the research on this and report back.

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