'Sweet Valley High' Getting Diablo Codied

September 23, 2009

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Finally, I'll be able to throw out all my shelves and shelves of Sweet Valley High books and replace them with a single DVD! Variety reports Universal has hired Diablo Cody to write and produce an adaptation of the book series that's already spawned eight spin-offs (including something called "Unicorn Club"), a TV Show, a musical, and a 1989 board game with a commercial so annoying I still grind my teeth to it to this day. (Apparently Universal didn't notice how Jennifer's Body tanked.)

The series focuses on a set of identical twins who, following the Pattydukian model, have comically dissimilar personalities. One is the uptight nerd; the other is super horny; both have blond hair. You get it.

Personally, I'm really hoping Cody bases her screenplay on Double Love. Or Dangerous Love.

Or Racing Hearts, or Kidnapped!, or Head Over Heels, or Crash Landing!, or Too Much in Love, or Hostage!, or Lovestruck, or Bitter Rivals, or Jealous Lies, or The New Jessica, or Secret Admirer, or Rumors, or Hard Choices, or Family Secrets, or Slam Book Fever, or White Lies, or Lost at Sea, or Teacher Crush, or Boy Trouble, or Who's Who?, or The New Elizabeth, or The Ghost of Tricia Martin, or The Parent Plot, or Ms. Quarterback, or Starring Jessica!, or Rock Star's Girl, or The Girl They Both Loved, or Steven's Bride, or Jessica Against Bruce, or Love Letters for Sale, or Don't Go Home with John, or...

Are We In Love?, or The Morning After, or The Evil Twin, or The Boyfriend War, or Operation Love Match, or A Date with a Werewolf, or Beware the Wolfman, or A Deadly Christmas, or The Pom-Pom Wars, or The Treasure of Death Valley, or Nightmare in Death Valley, or Jessica the Genius, or Jessica's Older Guy, or A Kiss Before Dying, or Camp Killer, or Tall, Dark and Deadly, or Dance of Death, or Kiss of a Killer, or A Model Flirt, or Too Hot to Handle, or What Jessica Wants, or A Picture-Perfect Prom?, or Two-Boy Weekend.

Really, almost any of them.

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