The Weekend in Film Releases

September 25, 2009


This weekend, know what movie you're going to see before you dash into a cinema to escape an evil gang of karate experts. Study this list:

Director: Jonathan Mostow
Starring: Bruce Willis, Ving Rhames, Radha Mitchell
Good if you want to see: Bruce Willis vs. our new robot population of surrogate people; Bruce Willis with Craig Kilborn's hair for a while, then back to standard Bruce Willis Bald.

Director: Kevin Tancharoen
Starring: Kelsey Grammer, Bebe Neuwirth, I assume the rest of the cast of Frasier
Good if you want to see: kids singing and dancing and doing drama stuff, because Glee just isn't enough to sate your singing/dancing kid needs.

Director: Christian Alvart
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Cam Gigandet
Good if you want to see: something like Event Horizon, I think? Maybe more like a shitty Alien, or Sphere?

Capitalism: A Love Story (limited)
Director: Michael Moore
Starring: Michael Moore, a bunch of bankers and CEOs being mocked
Good if you want to see: the deep flaws in America's capitalist society; COMMIE PROPAGANDA!!!!!!!

Coco Before Chanel (limited)
Director: Anne Fontaine
Starring: that darling Audrey Tautou--remember what a darling she was in Amelie? What a darling.
Good if you want to see: Coco Chanel prior to her becoming known for being Coco Chanel; that darling Audrey Tautou; God, don't you just want to get a nice place in the French countryside and settle down with her forever?

Paranormal Activity (limited)
Director: Oren Peli
Starring: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Michael Bayouth
Good if you want to see: Blair Witch: Haunted House Edition; how you too can use common household baking products to detect bedroom specters.

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men (limited)
Director: John Krasinski
Starring: Julianne Nicholson
Good if you want to see: Jim Halpert's directing debut; a David Foster Wallace book presented to you in only a couple hours, so you can get back to trying to get through Infinite Jest.

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