After Dinner, Take Grandma to One of These New Releases

November 25, 2009


Just don't see Old Dogs.

Old Dogs
Director: Walt Becker
Starring: Robin Williams, John Travolta, Seth Green
Good if you want to see: the director of Wild Hogs reunite with the idea of making an [adjective, animal] movie that's really, really awful; the most criminally insane zookeeper ever captured on film; your family is going to end up dragging you to this after shopping on Friday anyway, so just start accepting that now.

The Road
Director: John Hillcoat
Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron, Kodi Smit-McPhee
Good if you want to see: Aragorn and Son of Aragorn wander through the opposite of a Thomas Kinkade painting; Homeless Dad, surprisingly in theaters before an Arrested Development movie.

Ninja Assassin
Director: James McTeigue
Starring: Rain, Rick Yune, Naomie Harris
Good if you want to see: some fucking ninja assassins ninjaing and assassining. What else were you looking for?

Fantastic Mr. Fox (expanded nationwide)
Director: Wes Anderson
Starring: George Clooney, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman
Good if you want to see: Wes Anderson's typically meticulous filmmaking applied to Roald Dahl and stop-motion woodland animals; a fox in a corduroy suit; probably some furries in the back row quietly masturbating; all the Wes Andersony moments of strong mother figures, father figures trying to prove themselves, forced sentimentality, and stylized humor you'd expect--though I mean that in a best way possible. It's really good.

Me and Orson Welles (limited)
Director: Richard Linklater
Starring: Zac Efron, Claire Danes, Christian McKay
Good if you want to see: Claire Danes in a love triangle with High School Musical and a really long impression of Orson Welles.

The Princess and the Frog (limited)
Director: Ron Clements, John Musker
Starring: Anika Noni Rose, John Goodman
Good if you want to see: a princess; a frog; a princess turn into a frog; a villain that appears to be Gregory Hines mixed with Waluigi; Disney finally putting a black princess on-screen, which still doesn't make up for Songs of the South, guys.

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