'Spider-Man 4': Malkovich Probably Vulture, Hathaway Probably Nonexistent Vulture Lady

December 8, 2009

john-malkovich.jpg

About a month-and-a-half ago, someone named Jessica emailed me (that's right, a girl emailed me; jealous?) some interesting information:

My brother just waited on Sam Raimi and John Malkovich a few days ago while they were in Lafayette, Louisiana. As they were leaving, Raimi raised his tip adding "You just helped me sign John to the next Spiderman."

Just thought you should know.

I was intrigued but ultimately disregarded the tip because: 1) I couldn't think of a good way to really confirm this story. 2) It seemed questionable that the director of a massive film franchise would tell a waiter huge casting news that would obviously be passed around the internet the next day. 3) Since when do I get the kind of big-time tips that imply I'm a real news source capable of competently dispersing information, when I'm obviously not?

Well, Jessica, I'm sorry I doubted, because it sounds like you were right. Movieline has confirmed that Malkovich is at the very least in negotiations to join Spider-Man 4. As his smooth dome should indicate to all Spider-Man fanboys, the actor would be playing Spider-Man's winged nemesis, The Vulture, which is basically the best casting choice possible for the part (besides Larry David, obviously).

Not all good news, though. Movieline also confirmed that Anne Hathaway, as previously rumored, is in talks to join as well--but not in the Black Cat part she was thought to be up for. Instead, she would be playing, ugh, "a brand-new superpowered figure called the Vulturess." Terrific. As if the actual comics world hasn't convoluted itself with enough female mirrors of characters, now we've got someone else inventing new "that guy, but a lady" characters. Why not throw in a few pointless costume variations and alternate universe explanations for inconsistencies, too, Raimi? In a way, it would be the most accurate comic on screen yet.

Anyway, there you have it. And again, sorry, Jessica. I'll trust any further "your brother, the waiter" stories you might offer.

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