E*TRADE Talking Baby Movie Will Be Funny Because Babies Don't Talk About Stocks or at All

March 30, 2010

Damn you, Hollywood, always raping all my favorite intolerable Super Bowl commercials from my two-years-ago!

Undaunted by the task of following in the comically precocious footsteps of Look Who's Talking, Look Who's Talking Too, Baby Geniuses and, yes, even Baby Geniuses 2: SUPERBABIES, 20th Century Fox is reportedly working with E*TRADE to add a feature film to the never-ending collection of babies-talk-stocks-on-a-webcam commercials. Yes, we're getting an E*TRADE baby movie. An E*TRADE baby movie.

Have we so soon forgotten the lessons learned from the Geico Cavemen television series, the 7-Up Spot and Domino's Noid video games, and all the California Raisins merchandise in my parents' garage? Commercials should never be considered actual entertainment--except for that really crazy, psychedelic Friskies commercial, which I literally sprint across my apartment to catch.

But more importantly than the commercial thing: it should legitimately be a crime to still be making talking baby movies in 2010. Particularly when we still have so many animal species that have yet to be lent a voice through CGI.

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