Man Treated Like Thanksgiving Bird for Requesting Theater Courtesy

March 10, 2010

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I have for you an important lesson that it's not always a good idea to act like opposite George Costanza at a movie theater. An annoyed man in a Lancaster cinema Saturday learned it the hard way.

When the man told a woman to stop talking on her cell phone during a 9 PM showing of Shutter Island (a seemingly reasonable request), she complied. Then she and her two male friends left the theater, presumably purchased or retrieved a nearby meat thermometer and--in an attack that will likely illicit the Leno punchline, "Police were going to take him to the hospital, but he wasn't done yet"--STABBED THE GUY IN THE FUCKING NECK WITH A MEAT THERMOMETER.

The movie industry just can't win. For every gimmicky new invention they come up with to get people into cinemas, there's always going to be a psychotic person attempting to murder someone by plunging a meat thermometer into the throat of someone requesting theater civility, thus scaring anyone from ever going to a movie again. What are the chances this is a really aggressive Netflix ad campaign?

Read More: news, shutter island
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