Your New Movies Are Here (In List Form)

April 16, 2010


Last weekend's new movies are old. These are new new. For real.

Director: Matthew Vaughn
Starring: Aaron Johnson, Nicolas Cage, Chloe Moretz
Good if you want to see: a little girl murder a bunch of guys; any of the scenes in the hundreds of fucking trailers and posters they released.

Death at a Funeral
Director: Neil LaBute
Starring: Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Tracy Morgan, Peter Dinklage
Good if you want to see: 2007's Death at a Funeral with some different actors and jokes but, thankfully, the same Peter Dinklage.

Exit Through the Gift Shop (limited)
Director: Banksy???
Starring: Banksy, Shepard Fairey, Thierry Guetta
Good if you want to see: a documentary about street art made with spraypaint and secrecy and the patronage of Angelina Jolie.

The Joneses (limited)
Director: Derrick Borte
Starring: David Duchovny, Demi Moore
Good if you want to see: X-Files and Striptease pretending to be the perfect family as a ruse to push new products on unsuspecting suburbanites. COMMENTARY.

The Perfect Game (limited)
Director: William Dear
Starring: Clifton Collins Jr., Cheech Marin, that weird looking kid from Beethoven's Big Break that I would have sworn was an adult with a disease
Good if you want to see: the story of the first Mexican team to win the the Little League World Series; whoever the Mexican equivalent of Kevin Costner is, because he should clearly be in this.

No One Knows About Persian Cats (limited)
Director: Bahman Ghobadi
Starring: Negar Shaghaghi, Hamed Behdad
Good if you want to see: two Iranian ex-cons trying to get a band together in a country where rock music is forbidden--so sort of a Footloose meets The Runaways meets Iran.

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