Go on a Godforsaken Disney Jungle Cruise with Tim Allen and Tom Hanks

March 2, 2011

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As far as amusement park attraction-based films--which are a thing now--go, Disney has the eternal Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, The Enchanged Tiki Room, ANOTHER Haunted Mansion, and, AND a movie about the entire fucking Magic Kingdom. STILL, this is not enough amusement park attraction-based filmmaking for this company! Disney apparently also wants to make a separate live-action film about the Magic Kingdom's Jungle Cruise, now. Because how could you ever hold the rich stories of the Jungle Cruise to an ensemble ride picture? Anyway, this goddammer is going to be ridiculously huge. You know why? Because they somehow (with money) got those guys from Toy Story to be in it, and people will pay to see them reunited even if the entire film ends up being the zoo scenes from Old Dogs stretched out over an hour-and-a-half, which is pretty much all I'm expecting.

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