Full 'Captain America' Trailer Mostly Takes Place in Front of Fire

June 23, 2011

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When the U.S. Government discovers that America's greatest patriotbrain lies within the scrawny, asthmatic body of Steve Rogers, they find in the obvious gym-class-wedgie recipient an ideal candidate for their latest tactic in the fight against the Nazis: creating a fit guy, and giving him a buckler. And so, like rich old men creating their perfect trophy wives, the government scientists pump their young blonde full of chemicals until he is traditionally aesthetically appealing--and strong!--thus creating: Captain America, America's fittest guy with a buckler and the nation's greatest weapon in the fight against evil (until someone thought of making a really big bomb).

So begins Captain America: The First Avenger, Joe Johnston's attempt at bringing the long-running comics character to screens in a respectable enough way to create at least a three-film franchise. The rest of film seems to be mostly S&M guys and explosions:

You know, I want to say that it at least looks like a fun and pretty faithful little summer diversion, but when a film replicates an intentionally campy shot from Machete, seemingly with no sort of self-awareness, it really makes me go back and question a lot of things. Let's just say it could be worse.

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