'Killer Elite' Trailer: Plot Loosely Slung Over Idea of Jason Statham and Clive Owen Fighting

June 23, 2011

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"KICK! KICK! BANG! BANG! CRASH! KICK! SLAM! BANG! KICK! KABOOM! PUNCH! PUNCH! KICK! KICK! BANG! BANG! KABLOOEY! STAB! BANG! STOMP! ELBOW! ELBOW! SLAM! KABOOSH! BUTT! BANG! KABLAMMO! BANG! PUNCH! ELBOW! UNF! UNF! KICK! STAB (scrotum)!" Starring: Jason Statham, Clive Owen, and introducing Robert De Niro as The Father Figure.

I give the filmmakers credit for realizing audiences would naturally assume this to just be an internet mash-up of Jason Statham action scenes and Clive Owen action scenes edited together. "No, see? Clive Owen consistently has a faint mustache in this! It must be a real movie!"

Also, I want to point out how much I like that De Niro's imaginary-gun trigger pull still gets the requisite stock gunshot noise. As it should.

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