'Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part I' Teaser Wastes No Time Getting to Shirt Removal

June 6, 2011

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Vampiric Michael Sheen smiles ever so smugly... guy-with-a-mustache moves his concerned gaze to the distance... lady-on-a-beach juts her jaw out into what passes as a grin... the mouthbreathing muscular kid takes his shirt off and turns into a wolf, as his muscle memory quietly commands him to do every ten minutes or so...

What single thing could produce such comically diverse reaction shots? An invitation to the wedding of Glittering Vampire and Human Girlfriend, obviously! In the latest chapter of The Twilight Saga, the two are getting married, apparently, finally affording the perpetually sullen couple the freedom to at last have vampire-on-babe sex within the parameters of the author's religion. But with such sexual liberation comes new dangers. Like unplanned, teenage, vampire pregnancy! And how vampires hump so hard they literally destroy buildings.

Seriously, those are the dangers:

My expectations for this series are low enough that I fully anticipate there being fang holes in the condom.

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