In theaters this weekend:
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Director: Rupert Wyatt
Starring: James Franco, Andy Serkis, Freida Pinto
Good if you want to see: super-smart apes take over the planet, starting with James Franco and all of San Francisco's helicopters. If only we had weapons powerful enough to defeat the likes of apes.
Director: David Dobkin
Starring: Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds, Leslie Mann, Olivia Wilde
Good if you want to see: family guy and bachelor guy switch bodies, because they simultaneously pissed into a nomadic fountain on the very week that both of them had every important obligation of their lives.
And in limited release...
The Whistleblower (limited)
Director: Larysa Kondracki
Starring: Rachel Weisz, Vanessa Redgrave, David Strathairn
Good if you want to see: military uniforms, muted colors, handheld camera, constant, vague verbal warnings, and David Strathairn--which everyone knows is the exact recipe for Political Thriller.
Director: Evan Glodell
Starring: Evan Glodell, Tyler Dawson, Jessie Wiseman
Good if you want to see: some sort of commentary on male anger, violence, and misogyny that doubles as a break-up romance and an excuse for Evan Glodell to show off the awesome car and flamethrowers he built on a shoestring budget.
Magic Trip (limited)
Director: Alison Ellwood, Alex Gibney
Good if you want to see: a documentary following Ken Kesey and his Merry Pranksters on their 1964 road trip across the United States. Basically, it's people in a bus, on drugs.
Mysteries of Lisbon (limited)
Director: Raoul Ruiz
Starring: Adriano Luz, Maria Joao Bastos
Good if you want to see: an orphaned bastard child's questions about his origins leading to a vast, epic tale of a truly grand scale. By which I mean, among other things, it's over four-and-a-half hours long. So don't chug that Pepsi so fast, Cowboy.