Withering Gerard Butler To Star as FBI Agent/Builder

August 9, 2011

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"We need you back in the agency for this one, Gerard Butler!"

"I don't do that shit anymore: I'M A BRICKLAYER," spurns Butler in the worst Chicago accent ever heard, never looking up from his bricklaying.

So shall begin the thrilling first-act build-up to the just-announced film The Bricklayer, one would assume. Millennium Films just bought the rights to the best-selling novel of the same name and have attached Gerard Butler to star as a former Chicago G-man who has since retreated to a life of bricklaying, but goddammit if they don't need to call this rogue agent back in when a criminal group begins demanding increasingly high ransom payments. The 2010 book was written by Noah Boyd, a pseudonym for actual former FBI agent Paul Lindsay, so expect this thing to be so real down to the very last detail. And yes, that includes the part where Gerard Butler will say, "Alright, but if we're doing this [rather than bricklaying], we're gonna do it my way." Even that part is real. That is how the FBI does it in cases like this: Gerard Butler character's way.

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