DreamWorks Will Make You a Big, Friendly Giant Movie

September 28, 2011

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The cinematic qualities of a withered old giant with ridiculous ears have at last proven themselves too tempting to resist, and DreamWorks has purchased the movie rights to The BFG, Roald Dahl's classic children's book about a big, friendly giant's efforts to rid the world of nightmares, in the end denying us any sort of true perspective for what's "good" and "bad" in our own subconscious, you know what I mean? Kathleen Kennedy and Frank Marshall are producing, while screenwriter Melissa Mathison, whose last adaptation of a children's fantasy book was 1995's The Indian in the Cupboard, has been brought on to lend the script all the naturalistic "penis breaths" she gave her E.T. screenplay.

The last Dahl book to reach screens was the commercially under-appreciated Fantastic Mr. Fox, which managed only $21 million domestic, and the similarly-charming 1996 adaptation of James and the Giant Peach didn't fare much better. Tim Burton's 2005 adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory made almost half a billion, though, so, DreamWorks, it seems the key to box office success is going to be avoiding delightful stop-motion, focusing on Johnny Depp's steampunk pedophile character. But seeing how that might not be possible for BFG, instead just make up some promo where Shrek says he thought HE was the big friendly giant, and that will probably work, too.

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