Your New Movies Are Here, Just in Time for Weekend

September 9, 2011

warrior.jpg

Hey, new movies!

Warrior
Director: Gavin O'Connor
Starring: Tom Hardy, Joel Edgerton, Nick Nolte
Good if you want to see: two brothers training for a big MMA tournament. The catch? They have to fight EACH OTHER! Ut oh! Back to the bottle, Nick Nolte.

Contagion
Director: Steven Sorderbergh
Starring: Matt Damon, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Marion Cotillard
Good if you want to see: thanks to Hollywood meddling, probably almost no sneeze fetishists vigorously masturbating in-theater.

Bucky Larson: Born To Be a Star
Director: Tom Brady
Starring: Nick Swardson, Don Johnson, Christina Ricci
Good if you want to see: Nick Swardson wear a funny He-Man wig. And if that's not enough, he has buck teeth and a funny voice, too.

Creature (limited)
Director: Fred Andrews
Starring: Mehcad Brooks, Daniel Bernhardt, Serinda Swan
Good if you want to see: a half man. The other half? Alligator, I'm afraid.

Main Street (limited)
Director: John Doyle
Starring: Colin Firth, Orlando Bloom, Amber Tamblyn, Ellen Burstyn, Patricia Clarkson
Good if you want to see: a respectable cast come together for a movie no one cares about and even less actually like.

The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975 (limited)
Director: Göran Olsson
Good if you want to see: Swedish-shot film of the Black Power movement dug out of a vault and assembled like an Ikea bookshelf.

Tanner Hall (limited)
Director: Francesca Gregorini, Tatiana von Furstenberg
Starring: Rooney Mara, Georgia King, Brie Larson
Good if you want to see: a group of girls confronting their burgeoning sexuality in a fancy New England girls boarding school. Your browser history says you're interested.

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