Make That Two More 'Transformers' Movies That Are Inevitable, and Maybe with Jason Statham

October 18, 2011

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While Fast/Furious producers have reportedly been considering getting The Transporter back behind the wheel of a car again, other minds have far more ambitious plans: what if we get Jason Statham in a car again, THEN have that car turn into a giant robot? According to Variety's sources, the powerful ten-year-olds that make choices regarding the Transformers franchise are currently looking at Statham as a replacement for Shia LaBeouf, the departing star claims to have no more will to shout "OPTIMUS" and has resigned himself to getting clobbered.

While the idea of Statham jumping off a living semi-truck and shooting a pistol has some obvious box office potential, no offer has yet gone out to the star, as Hasbro and Paramount have a bigger concern right now: figuring out if they can shoot a couple of these goddammers back-to-back. In an effort to cut production costs and contract negotiations, and limit the time Michael Bay's stars have to make remarks about him being Hitler, Paramount is considering making Transformers 4 and 5 back to back, and already they've begun talking with Bay, Steven Spielberg, and screenwriter Ehren Kruger about if that will be possible, or if staring into the malfunctioning blender blades of Transformers for that long would damage brains. My guess is, yes, it will damage brains, but what the hell, let's give it a shot. For science.

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