Now in theaters: these things!
Director: Shawn Levy
Starring: Hugh Jackman, boxing robots
Good if you want to see: Hugh Jackman's successful search for, in his own words, "anything [he] can use to put a fighting robot together."
The Ides of March
Director: George Clooney
Starring: George Clooney, Ryan Gosling, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Giamatti
Good if you want to see: a series of dramatic statements followed by cymbal flares.
The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence
Director: Tom Six
Starring: Randy Newman?
Good if you want to see: things that you definitely should not want to see unless you belong in prison.
Dirty Girl (limited)
Director: Abe Sylvia
Starring: Juno Temple, Milla Jovovich, Jeremy Dozier
Good if you want to see: an '80s slut in a cartoonishly kitschy small town, really taking you back to your own hometown, and all those sluts there.
The Way (limited)
Director: Emilio Estevez
Starring: Martin Sheen
Good if you want to see: Martin Sheen attempt to trek Spain's Camino de Santiago as he tries to deal with the recent loss of his son and collect anything he can use to put a fighting robot together.
Director: Jackie Chan, Li Zhang
Starring: Jackie Chan
Good if you want to see: Jackie Chan cry.
Director: Mateo Gil
Starring: Sam Shepard, Eduardo Norega
Good if you want to see: a "what if?" scenario in which Butch Cassidy survives the famous 1908 Bolivian shootout, allowing him to live long, full life of convincing everyone to call him by this cool "Blackthorn" nickname.
The Women on the 6th Floor (limited)
Director: Philippe Le Guay
Starring: Fabrice Luchini, Sandrine Kiberlain, Natalia Verbeke
Good if you want to see: a French aristocrat whose life changes dramatically when he befriends a group of sassy Spanish maids who live in his building's sixth floor servants' quarters. Clearly, this will be remade with Salma Hayek and Jennifer Lopez.
Everyday Sunshine: The Story of Fishbone (limited)
Director: Lev Anderson, Chris Metzler
Good if you want to see: the story of the band Fishbone, obviously.
The Sons of Tennessee Williams (limited)
Director: Tim Wolff
Good if you want to see: a history of New Orleans' gay culture and the practice of holding elaborate drag balls. Wait, so those men dressed as women and covered in feathers and sequins are gay?