Schwarzenegger Only Lone Vigilante Capable of Bringing Down Arms Dealer

October 31, 2011

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In the interest of finding ever more action-oriented alimony funds, former state leader Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed on to star in QED's Black Sands, a film to be directed by Scott Waugh and Mike McCoy--the guys who made Act of Valor, that movie that looks just as much like a military video game as it sounds like it would. Schwarzenegger will play "a loner" who decides to take on a Southwestern weapons manufacturer and his private army, because someone has to stop the private sale of high-powered weaponry, and if Arnold can't do it through his government influence, then he'll just have to do it with his fists and pistols.

The film is just one of many Arnold Versus Evil Hordes films in development, as Schwarzenegger, since leaving office, has been quick to attach his name to as many action films as possible in the hopes of somehow making it 1987 again. He's also been linked to playing an aging horse trainer, an aging sheriff, an aging real estate mogul, an aging learning computer, and, most convincingly, one of many aging action stars. Soon, our nation's cinemas will be a virtual Skynet of Schwarzenegger promotional materials. This is cardboard standee Judgement Day.

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