In Theaters: 'Jack & Jill' and Other Preferable Alternatives to 'Jack & Jill'

November 11, 2011

jack-and-jill-trailer.jpg

Your new releases:

Jack & Jill
Director: Dennis Dugan
Starring: Adam Sandler, Adam Sandler in a Wig, Al Pacino
Good if you want to see: fairly comprehensive rundown here, but in short, it's Adam Sandler being angry at his Adam Sandler sister, and it's pretty gross.

Immortals
Director: Tarsem Singh
Starring: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Stephen Dorff
Good if you want to see: unabashedly green-screened, slow-motion Greek battles played out over an ab-caked landscape of underlying homoeroticism. (Note: this movie is somehow not 300)

J. Edgar
Director: Clint Eastwood
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Naomi Watts
Good if you want to see: a controversial look at our greatest and worst cross-dressing FBI director.

And in limited release...

Melancholia (limited)
Director: Lars von Trier
Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Alexander Skarsgård
Good if you want to see: a lavish wedding, the end of the world, and, being that this is a Lars von Trier, some incredibly sad women thrown in for good measure.

London Boulevard (limited)
Director: William Monahan
Starring: Colin Farrell, Keira Knightley, Ray Winstone
Good if you want to see: an overstuffed gangster film that directly contradicts what Google Maps tells me about the existence of a London Blvd.

Into the Abyss (limited)
Director: Werner Herzog
Good if you want to see: a fascinating exploration of a triple homicide, examining why murderers murder, why the state executes, and why I hope to never be murdered nor executed. Please, no one ever kill me.

11-11-11 (limited)
Director: Darren Lynn Bousman
Starring: Timothy Gibbs, Michael Landes, Brendan Price
Good if you want to see: spooky things happen on 11-11-11. Ut oh, that's relevant right now!

Elite Squad: The Enemy Within (limited)
Director: José Padilha
Starring: Wagner Moura, Irandhi Santo, André Ramiro
Good if you want to see: a sequel to the original Brazilian Elite Squad, now even more elite than before.

The Conquest (limited)
Director: Xavier Durringer
Starring: Denis Podalydès, Florence Pernel, Bernard Le Coq
Good if you want to see: the story of French president Nicolas Sarkozy, whose rise to power eventually gave him access to Carla Bruni's vagina.

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