Muppets, Spanking, and Other Thanksgiving Movie Options

November 23, 2011

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Your Thanksgiving Edition new releases:

The Muppets
Director: James Bobin
Starring: Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Chris Cooper, Muppets
Good if you want to see: fucking Muppets, man.

Hugo
Director: Martin Scorsese
Starring: Asa Butterfield, Chloe Moretz, Sacha Baron Cohen, Ben Kingsley
Good if you want to see: Scorsese's shot at being a 3D family film director. This feels like when Dexter got married.

A Dangerous Method
Director: David Cronenberg
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Viggo Mortensen, Keira Knightley
Good if you want to see: a look at the watershed moment in psychoanalytical history when Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud spanked Keira Knightley.

My Week with Marilyn
Director: Simon Curtis
Starring: Michelle Williams, Eddie Redmayne, Kenneth Branagh
Good if you want to see: a lovely seven days spent with Michelle Williams doing a Marilyn Monroe impression.

The Artist
Director: Michel Hazanavicius
Starring: Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, James Cromwell, John Goodman
Good if you want to see: a film about a silent movie star that itself takes the form of a silent movie, the film equivalent of the simple joy of Runts looking like whatever flavor they are.

Arthur Christmas
Director: Sarah Smith
Starring: James McAvoy, Jim Broadbent, Bill Nighy, Hugh Laurie
Good if you want to see: an Aardman film about Santa's son making sure that the one child his father forgot still gets her Christmas present--the perfect entertainment to help us forget all those poor kids that aren't getting presents.

Rampart
Director: Oren Moverman
Starring: Woody Harrelson, Robin Wright, Sigourney Weaver
Good if you want to see: Woody Harrelson just being a rotten cop.

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