'Wolverine' Pirate Punished for Prematurely Exposing Us to 'Wolverine'

December 20, 2011

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The Bronx man who uploaded a nearly-finalized workprint of X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been sentenced to a year in prison for exposing people to the farcical action film more than a month before they needed to be.

In March 2009, 49-year-old Gilberto Sanchez--whose screen names were reportedly "variations on 'skillz,'" depending on if someone else with skillz had already registered that--pled guilty to the charge, admitting to posting the early digital copy of the 20th Century Fox film, thus giving anyone with internet access the ability to regrettably watch Hugh Jackman lurch from a truck onto a crashing helicopter that he just chopped the blades off of with his awesome claws. United States District Judge Margaret M. Morrow, who reportedly called the crime of prematurely revealing a fight scene involving Jackman and a shirtless man with no mouth "extremely serious," handed down the decision Monday.

U.S. Attorney André Birotte Jr. said of the verdict, "The federal prison sentence handed down in this case sends a strong message of deterrence to would-be Internet pirates. The Justice Department will pursue and prosecute persons who seek to steal the intellectual property of this nation," such as the intellectual property of Wolverine cooly walking away from a downed helicopter only to flick his claws against the stony ground, igniting an apparent gasoline trail leading straight to said copter's volatile gas tank.

In the sentencing memorandum, prosectors added that "[skillz/sk1llz/$killz] had been regularly uploading pirated movies for four or five years, and did not appear remorseful after charges were brought." After his sentence is up, no doubt he'll be right back to the street corner internet cafe, slinging links to The Wolverine using new, harder-to-trace filesharing sites he learned in prison. It's a vicious cycle--much like the vicious cycle Wolverine rides as he slashes through that jeep.

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